LIFE...Please Holla Back

2012-02-12T12:33:00.000-05:00

The other night the two of us had a conversation about what to get your man for Valentines Day. Whether you celebrate the holiday or not, you can’t help but be bombarded with it everywhere you turn. These days you don’t even need to be anywhere near hallmark, you can get a heart shaped gift on the side of the road. It’s been a while since we have written so we couldn’t help but make a top ten list.

TOP TEN THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT GET YOUR MAN FOR V-DAY

1. Teddy Bear…what exactly will he do with this? Keep it at his desk at work so he can be made fun of, or cuddle with it when you’re not there? We’re gunna go with “no” to both options.
2. Chocolate…unless he is a sweet freak, save your money on this cliché. There is nothing sexy about watching your man polish off a box of bon bons.
3. Picture Frame…as much as you’d like to think he loves that picture you took in the photo booth on the boardwalk, most men would rather just spend time with you then look at your picture all day.
4. Silk Boxers…what man over the age of 14 wears silk boxers? If your man actually wants a pair of these, you should probably take a close look at your relationship.
5. Cologne… most men have smelled, tested and tried lots of colognes. They know what they like. The last thing they want is to wear something you got them that they can’t stand.
6. Household Items…just because he needs a new drill does not mean that Lowes is the best place for romance.
7. Grooming Kit…oh yeah ladies, you will score major points with your man by getting him a nose hair trimmer and cuticle remover.
8. Sports Inspired Paper Weight...you don't honestly think this excites him do you? You're better off getting him something you won with a mechanical claw.
9. Tie… nothing says “I love you” more than a reminder of the job he hates and the people he doesn’t want to see on Monday morning.
10. Matching pajama’s…on V-day clothing should be optional when going to bed.

The interesting thing is most men feel that Valentines Day is a holiday for their Lady—true, some feel it’s a pain in the butt and feel obligated to take their woman to dinner or send her flowers, but nonetheless, it’s a fake holiday in which to keep the ladies happy. If you don’t fall for the marketing schemes, you’ll realize your man is a simple creature. Get him a bottle of booze, cook him a tasty dinner, or wear something sexy. A little effort can go a long way.

HEARTBEAT by Sarah Jane

2011-08-28T18:21:00.001-04:00

When my mother was 6 months pregnant with my brother and I she suffered from Preeclampsia, a pregnancy condition in which you develop high blood pressure. She was at home resting and her ankles started to swell. She called her nurse, who came to check on her at the house, as that is how things were done in England at the time. When the nurse saw her she called for an ambulance immediately. My mother's kidneys failed and she slipped into a coma.

At the time, my father was busy working in restaurants trying to move up into management while also dealing with the responsibility of a one year old child, my sister Faith. The doctors told him she had a 50/50 chance of survival. She was 31 years old, unconscious, her brain had stopped functioning and she was pregnant with twins. After a week of no response they made the decision to cut her open and take us out. We were put into special incubators for very low birth weight infants that simulated the womb. The cot was tilted and we were sprayed with a warm mist 24 hrs a day and given oxygen and food through a tube. No human contact was allowed and we also had a low rate of survival. Three days later my mother woke up from the coma but was partially blind. She said it took weeks before her sight came back. She recalls looking out the kitchen window and yelling to my dad "I can see, I can see!" as she stared at the trees outside. My brother and I were in the incubators for about 8 weeks. He was strong and reacted well to the doctor’s care. My heart stopped twice and they didn't know if I would survive, or how I would develop if I did survive.

I never knew the extent of what happened that April in 1980 until a couple of days ago. As my mother told me this story I just listened in awe thinking of all the times I never called her back or blew off plans with her; how much I made her worry as a teenager, getting involved in activities a 16-year-old shouldn't. I also thought about the simplest moments like not wanting to eat dinner at the table with her and never saying thank you for anything. I reflected about how much I've taken life for granted through the years. There were numerous times I felt weak and just wanted to give up, feeling as though I wasn’t strong enough to deal with anything. If only I had known what my tiny little body had gone through to survive, how my heart had repeatedly stopped and started. I love my mother as any daughter does, but knowing what she went through in order for me to have this wonderful life I live makes me feel a connection stronger than I've ever felt before. Later that night I texted her: "thank you for sharing that story about when you gave birth." She texted me back: "so am I my darling, I'd do it all over again, in a heartbeat."

Fortune Cookie:
"What greater thing is there for human souls than to feel that they are joined for life - to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories?"

WHERE I BELONG (by Sarah Jane)

2011-04-03T20:15:00.003-04:00

The other day I got an email from a friend with a link to a quiz “where do you belong?” I typically don’t participate in these forwards, but since lately I have been thinking about life and how much it changes through the years, I thought it might be interesting to see the answer. The questions were pretty standard; what’s your favorite color? If you could be anyone who would you be? If you could be anywhere where would you go? I answered them the best I could and it got me pondering where I am in my life and where I am headed.

It’s my 31st birthday in a couple of weeks and it’s only natural to think about all the decisions that have been made so far. I always seem to focus on the seemingly important choices I’ve made, such as where I live, who I choose to spend my time with, how I am performing at work, my relationship with my family, and the status of my health. Each piece is a part of a puzzle that makes up my existence and affects my mood. I try and make sure that I am doing my best to enjoy all the blessings I have and remember how far I have come from the insecure, unaware, 20 year old I used to be.

I often wonder how my life would be if I had made different choices. Whenever the clouds set in, I imagine living somewhere warmer and more exciting than dreary Philadelphia. I wonder what it would be like if I had taken a different job offer or never met the people I have in my life. I think how different things would be if I didn’t have a brother and a sister or the type of upbringing my parents gave me. I think it’s natural and healthy for human beings to always question their lives and how they got there. But what I frequently overlook are all the little things; the small comforts in life that wrap you up like a warm blanket on a cold night.

The quiz results were not what I expected. They claimed that I belong in my own mind, locked away with no one but myself and the things I’ve created in my head. I guess there is a comfort in knowing yourself and being aware of your thoughts, but to me life has always been about sharing with others. The unassuming moments like laughing at the same joke, hearing a favorite song, or trying a new restaurant. Sometimes it can be as simple as when a smell almost knocks you over because it reminds you of a happy memory that outlasts time.

None of these things have anything to do with where I live, my career, my family, or my health. To me, the best part of living is about appreciating every little thing life has to offer and having others to share those moments with. There is so much to enjoy that it can be overwhelming. Although pain and sorrow are a constant, you don’t need to surrender to the unnecessary stress and overwhelming negative thoughts that can fill your brain. You can choose to take life one day at a time.

As I begin to anticipate the end of my 30th year, I realize that I want to live in a world full of balance. Some days will be good and some days will be bad. Some moments won’t live up to my expectations and sometimes I’ll be surprised. But where I am in my life doesn’t matter all that much as long my choices are my own and there are people that accept me for me. I understand now, without question, that’s where I must belong.

Fortune Cookie:
“You cannot belong to anyone else, until you belong to yourself”

Top 10 reasons you know you’re over this winter weather

2011-01-16T13:03:00.000-05:00

1. You know its exactly 65 days till spring

2. Your back is constantly sore from shoveling, scraping and salting

3. You constantly apply hand lotion because your hands are raw

4. You’ve discovered your winter boots are not water proof

5. You wear your gloves and scarf at your desk because you’re sick of it taking you ten minutes just to take everything off

6. You curse your ice scraper every time you get into your car

7. You get your car washed even though you know you’re just going to get more salt on it as soon as you pull out

8. You try not to get too excited about your weekend plans because any second now they’ll be cancelled due to inclement weather

9. Your bathroom is stocked with Advil congestion, Sudafed, Nyquil, Mucinex, Halls and Saline solution.

10. You contemplated going tanning just to feel some heat/sunlight on your skin

Yummy Winter Favorites

2010-12-12T20:22:00.001-05:00

It’s officially cold outside, so in the spirit of staying positive throughout the next three months of winter, we wanted to share our favorite winter fare. These foods provide us with comfort and joy when the weather outside is frightful. Eating is an essential part of celebrating the holidays with family and friends. Here are our yummy winter favorites. We hope this list will inspire you to enjoy this holiday season one bite at a time.

Grilled cheese with a side of creamy tomato soup
Homemade chicken noodle soup
Baked Mac n cheese with bread crumb topping (we eat this year round)
Spicy chili topped with cheddar cheese
Fried chicken with mashed potatoes
Shepherd's pie
Wild mushroom stuffing
Honey glazed ham
Hot Cocoa with mini marshmallows
Holiday cookies and chocolate treats
Apple pie with vanilla bean ice cream
Captain Morgan's eggnog with cinnamon
Peppermint Brittle

Fortune Cookie:
“Worries go down better with soup”

TINKER TAILOR (by Sarah Jane)

2010-11-13T14:38:00.001-05:00

When I was a child, my sister and I used to play a game called Tinker Tailor that my mom taught us whenever we would eat cherries. After we finished our cherries we would count off the pits while reciting the rhyme, “tinker, tailor, soldier, sailor, rich man, poor man, beggar man, thief”…we would repeat until we got to the last seed. Each seed represented the type of man we would marry some day.

As I was eating cherries the other night I looked down at the pits and laughed, remembering how my sister and I would get so excited to find out who our husband would be one day. The infinite possibilities of the future and who we would live happily ever after with was so thrilling, even if it was being determined through an English nursery rhyme. I chuckled as I repeated the tune and started to think about the options that the song gave us, and what it taught me as a young girl about what kind of man I may marry. My options were quite simple… the handy man, the service man, the business man, or the criminal. That’s all that existed at 9 years old for my future possible soul mate. I started to think about how there are currently numerous online dating services that allow you to customize your potential partner. I’ve never gone on e-harmony or match.com but I understand the categories are endless. You can decide whether you like the person from reading their profile and from whether or not their statements on the screen are good enough for you. Maybe there are great success stories of people who met this way, but for me love has never been about specifics or whether or not he fits into a particular group. Love is a feeling. It’s when your eyes meet and no words need to be spoken; you just know that this person is your home, your safety, and you would do anything for them. It’s the sensation you get when you know you’re going to see them, an excitement that only they can make you feel. Even when you’re apart, it is just knowing that they exist that makes you feel OK about yourself.

I read the other day that nearly half of the adult population in the US is single. I think the reason why people aren’t finding long lasting success is that people care less about the feeling and more about the specifics. What do they do for a living, what car do they drive, what are their physical attributes, are they in my predetermined category? Sure, some of these things are important, but they don’t guarantee you’ll care about each other as time rolls on. You could have the most amazing person on paper but if you don’t feel anything for them, you’re done. You won’t care how successful they are or what they look like if you aren’t happy when you’re with them. Happiness comes from the emotions you feel, not from a profile picture or a bank account.

I remember getting so disappointed whenever my last cherry seed would end on a man I didn’t think was in a good category, such as the poor man or thief. In my mind the rich man or the sailor was clearly the one to get because I presumed they would be everything I ever wanted and more. But I’ve learned that whether right or wrong the heart goes where it belongs. You can’t control who you love. You can’t make yourself feel something for someone that you don’t, the same way you can’t just tell yourself to stop caring about someone you love just because they don’t fit into your perfect “type.” Maybe the nursery rhymes we learned growing up should have taught us to look beyond the outside surface stuff. The truth is that the real life fairy tale emerges when you realize your “happily ever after” comes from within you. Hopefully at some point you will find someone you can’t live without to share that happiness with.

Fortune Cookie:
“True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.”

Txt Me Ltr! OMG LOL ;-)

2010-10-17T20:19:00.002-04:00

After seeing The Social Network, we started talking about Facebook, texting, and other forms of technology, as well as the anxiety that comes with them. As frequent users we realize the benefits of having such advances. People find long lost loves, relatives, and old friends thanks to Facebook. Social media allows us to connect with one another, to network, and to share information, pictures, and stories. Email has allowed us to exchange ideas and information anytime of day or night, from anywhere in the world. Texting is a huge convenience, especially when you just want to send someone a quick note to let them know they’re on your mind. Texting is also great for when you can’t talk on the phone but want to share something important.

Most of us check our Facebook page (and friends’ pages) pretty often and get excited when we see a new text has come through on our phone. It makes us feel important, needed, connected and loved. With such perks, how can anyone find fault with this technology or with a text message? On the flip side, we realized that these things can also make us anxious, jealous and frustrated. You may wonder ‘Why hasn’t so-and-so text me back yet?’ or ‘Why do I feel so upset when I look at other peoples’ profile pages and compare their “amazing” life to mine?’ But isn’t the real name of Facebook, Bragbook? We often acknowledge to each other that we wish we hadn’t seen certain things on someone’s wall or status, but isn’t it all just a bunch of bull anyway? The reality is that texting and emailing allow people to hide behind their computers and phones. There are so many things that people can write and send but not ever say to someone’s face. Shouldn’t there be times when one should pick up a phone instead of texting an entire conversation? What about asking someone out on a date via text message? In our opinion, there’s got to be a cut off somewhere, but where do we draw the line?

Technology has come a long way and most will argue that it makes our lives run more smoothly and allows us to be more productive. It certainly is the wave of the future. So many more things can be accomplished because of technology. But there is something to be said about human interactions. Talking to someone on the phone allows us to hear the emotion in the voice on the other end. Spending time together allows you to tap into all of your senses; a much better sensation than a pop up from your portable hand held device. Additionally, the concept of effort comes into play. If you’re truly interested in someone, don’t undermine his or her worth with a text message. Pick up the phone and have an actual conversation. Don’t IM someone to see how they’re doing, call them and ask them if you really care. There are certain moments that words just cannot describe and emotions that can only be conveyed in person. Why not put down the keypad and actually experience those moments together? We highly doubt that when you look back on your life and think about the best times you ever had that they came from your Facebook wall or your iPhone.

Fortune Cookie:
“Tell me, in a world without pity, do you think what I’m askin’s too much, I just want something to hold on to, and a little of that human touch” ~Bruce Springsteen

BELIEVE ME (by Sarah Jane)

2010-10-10T09:35:00.002-04:00

I was thinking the other day about how I am a pretty opinionated person. I mean, the blog is a prime example of this. I want people to know what I think, how I feel, and what I believe. I think its great that I’m at a point in my life where I’ve actually figured out many of life’s answers, but why do I care so much whether someone agrees with me or not? One of my friends is completely opposite from me; we are like oil and water. He is really quiet and withdrawn, pretty negative most of the time, and he believes in things that are hard for me to fathom. It bothers me when I see him like this because I can’t understand why someone would want to live their life that way. I find myself wishing I could help him see things the way I do. I guess I’ve somehow convinced myself that my way of living is the right way. I can’t understand many of my friends’ decisions and why they act in certain ways. I guess I have a hard time accepting why someone wouldn’t look at things the way I do. I always felt this way. I always felt like I had the answers and found it really strange when someone didn’t want my advice. I easily disguise this stubbornness as confidence, but the truth is it’s actually very closed minded of me. Since when am I qualified to be this relationship expert or life coach? I’ve hardly lived a perfect life. I’ve failed more than I’ve succeeded, I’ve quit more than I’ve finished, and I’ve hurt more than I’ve loved. It finally crossed my mind that what works for me probably isn’t going to work for everyone. We all have different ideas, values, morals, standards etc. Just because I think one thing doesn’t mean other people aren’t going to think something completely different. So why do I feel so compelled to express my beliefs to other people? Is it that I just want to help them or do I need their approval for me to justify my own thoughts? I guess there is a part of me that thinks everyone is just searching for something to believe in. We need something to give us hope, something to get us through the tragedies. Maybe I do want other people to say “hey, you’re right” or “hey, that positively affected me,” just so I can feel like my beliefs have a purpose. But if I really think about it, my views come from my own experiences and I really don’t have the right to impose them on anyone. Perhaps instead of trying to get people to understand my thoughts I should spend more time trying to understand their viewpoints, accept them for who they are, and not for who I believe they should be. Aren’t we all just looking for a better life, peace of mind, and true happiness that can only be defined by oneself? Isn’t that what we’re all searching for?

Fortune Cookie:
“It takes humility and character to accept people for who they are. It takes discernment and wisdom to accept people for what they do.”

JUST TELL ME (By Sarah Jane)

2010-08-29T12:56:00.004-04:00

It seems to be a pattern for me to look at other couples and wonder what their recipe for success is. How are they still together, happy, coexisting, and sexually attracted to one another? Do they know something the rest of us don’t? I often wonder about previous relationships; what made them work, what didn’t work, and what I learned. There seems to always be this ultimate goal of one day figuring all of this relationship crap out. I've always enjoyed reading books about dating, talking to friends about their own experiences and really looking at my own behavior. I think it’s important to share what we know with each other because the more other human beings can relate to one another, the more we all feel accepted. I’ve learned how important communication is in any relationship. You cannot keep your emotions bottled up. You have got to tell your partner exactly what you want and how you feel. Sharing your feelings with a friend, co-worker, shrink, or family member is great if you need a sounding board, but you’ve got to express them to your significant other. The less you keep to yourself, the more satisfied you will be with who you are. Keeping things inside gives you a greater possibility of unhappiness, resentment and frustration.

Why doesn’t my partner get me? Why aren’t they doing things to make me happy? How can they not know? Well hello… you didn’t tell them! When we were in school we got report cards every semester telling us how we were performing. Now that we’re adults we get reviews at work. Why aren’t we evaluating our relationships the same way? Are they not as important as being successful at our jobs? Shouldn’t we put the same effort into them?

Now, I’ll admit that in the past when I have opened up it hasn’t always gone my way. My boyfriends didn’t agree with me, didn’t understand me, and just plain didn’t care. So I built up these walls to protect myself from getting hurt. But then I realized if that’s the worst that can happen, that’s actually not that bad. We all have had someone at some point say “sorry but I just don’t care about how you feel” whether through words or actions. Consequently, we vow to never open up again because it was so awful. But isn’t that the goal, to find out if your partner does understand you? If they don’t, then you have a concrete reason for accepting why it’s not working and then you can move on.

Keeping yourself bottled up is a recipe for misery. Your relationship should be the one place you can be yourself. Most of the time, we’re all walking around with a mask on, acting a certain way in the various environments we’re thrown into. There is a time and a place for everything and there are different levels of friendship, but when it comes to your heart, you can’t cover up who you are. You always feel better when you communicate. For me there is no possible chance for success if you can’t talk to your partner about how you feel and what you want. To spend your life holding back is not a life worth living. And a life not worth living certainly has no room for love.

Fortune Cookie:
“It’s awful tiring to pretend”

TEN REASONS TO SMILE!

2010-08-15T17:03:00.001-04:00

***We all have stressful lives—some more than others. In the spirit of spreading positive vibes, we wanted to post a quick list of things to hopefully remind everyone that despite everything, we have lots of reasons to smile***

1. Being alive and healthy
2. Having a family that loves you
3. Realizing you have true friends you can depend on
4. Knowing you helped someone in need
5. Recognizing that you’re a good person with unique qualities
6. Making a difference in someone’s life
7. Accepting that you tried your best…even if the results weren’t what you wanted
8. Sharing an amazing moment with someone special
9. Giving and receiving a compliment
10. Knowing in your heart that you’ve done the right thing

Fortune Cookie:
“When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.”

LUCKY IN LOVE (by Sarah Jane)

2010-08-09T20:11:00.002-04:00

When I look back at how my brain used to process relationships, I’ve realized that my feelings and ideas about them have significantly changed. I think about my earlier relationships and how I took them for granted and allowed my heart to run wild. All I really remember is a cloud of lies, cheating, inconsistency, and drama. I believe that most people my age can relate: You felt as if you could do whatever you wanted and really didn’t care what your partner was doing. You knew that you were young and hot, and there were tons of singles ready to mingle down the hall or at the corner bar. Maybe sometimes in your heart you thought they were the one but your mind knew better. They were just the one for right now. You never really questioned “can I live with this person?”, “do they want children”, “will they pick their crap up off the floor”, “do they want a successful career”, “what’s their family like?” These are all the things that now seem to come into play in the 30’s dating world. You no longer take your heart for granted because you know the consequences. Its exhausting—the breaking up, the finding someone new, and the awful first/last dates. We wonder if he or she is going to call, if sex will change things, or if we’ll have anything in common. It’s not the same easy careless game anymore…at least it shouldn’t be in my opinion.

One of my girlfriends is such a catch. She is beautiful, smart, and funny; most guys that meet her immediately want to date her. But at the age of 30 she is content with being unattached, just so she doesn’t have to deal with the disappointment that she has gotten so used to. Until she finds a guy who is everything she wants, she’ll be single and loving it. It’s not her fault that she isn’t relishing in the hallmark world of wedded bliss. Isn’t love just about luck anyway? One just happens to be at a place where one just happens to meet someone they’re attracted to. They come to realize they enjoy spending time together and a relationship progresses—they also realize they just happen to want the same things at the same time. I know this sounds simple but it can actually be quite difficult to attain. We’re always hearing about the statistic that 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce, but do you honestly think that when those couples walked down the isle they knew months or years later the relationship would fail? Of course not! The reality is that people change. That’s what human beings do; we evolve, we learn, circumstances come and go that alter how we feel and how we act, and ultimately what we want. We can’t possibly think that by 30 years old we have become who we are going to be for the rest of our lives. How boring would that be?

I think the honest truth is just that sometimes you get lucky and unfortunately sometimes you don’t. It’s not anyone’s fault that things change and that people want different things. If a couple is able to last the journey it doesn’t make them any better than the ones who couldn’t. It just means that some couples accept certain changes, work hard, and hold on tight because to them it’s completely worth it. On the other hand, some couples say “I tried everything, it didn’t work, and it’s time to move on.” The idea of ‘soul mates,’ ‘love of a lifetime,’ ‘only man or woman I’ll ever love’ just doesn’t seem realistic in today’s society. But if you are lucky enough in your 30’s to find someone that is worth your time, go in with an open heart and treat them right. Learn from all the mistakes and pitfalls and hope for the best. The college lifestyle may no longer exist and the relationship game certainly has changed, but if you stay true to who you are and find someone who loves you for all of you, then you’re more than lucky… you’re blessed.

Fortune Cookie:
"Your heart just breaks, that's all. But you can't judge or point fingers. You just have to be lucky enough to find someone who appreciates you" ~Audrey Hepburn

YOU BE THE JUDGE

2010-07-05T21:12:00.002-04:00

Wikipedia defines the term judgment as the evaluation of evidence in the making of a decision…

During a recent trip to the shore, we got into an interesting discussion about judgments, perceptions and categorizing people. We noticed there were a number of Russian and Ukrainian girls who worked the boardwalk. One of the waitresses who served us breakfast was extremely friendly and after chatting with her for a bit, we learned that a large number of patrons mistreat her. She explained that she is judged simply because of her nationality. Our first initial reaction was shock, followed by concern; it wasn’t fair.

Later that day we discussed how people are cruel to one another over stupid things like speaking with an accent and looking different. Many people judge others immediately if they don’t fit into what we as Americans perceive to be socially acceptable. We both remembered the age old saying that claims we shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. Judging people is so wrong, we told ourselves.

However, as we started to write our “judging others” blog we actually took the issue to a different standpoint. What about the kind of judgment that is warranted? When is it OK (and maybe even necessary) to judge? We thought about this long and hard and came to the conclusion that it is normal and natural to judge others; everyone does it to some extent (no matter what they may tell you.) Our original argument of “its wrong to judge people and put them in categories” actually doesn’t hold up because people have a right to have their own personal opinions. That is one of our most important freedoms—to be able to think for ourselves. There are tons of articles, songs, and movies about how we should all just love each other, accept each other, and save judgment for God, but how realistic is that in today’s society? We have to judge people because that’s how we make decisions. We should judge people as far as whether or not we want to be friends with them, date them, or continue to keep them in our lives. If anything, we both should have been more judgmental in the past. It would have saved us a lot of time and effort on people who weren't worth it. We always knew from the beginning that having certain people in our lives was only going to end in pain and regret.

Bottom line: there is definitely a difference between judging whether or not you want someone in your life based on what you've learned about them versus judging someone because they did something that you don't necessarily agree with or because they look different than you do. We don't have the right to morally judge someone and put them into a "negative" category simply because we don't agree with a decision that they made. However, once information has been gathered, pay close attention to your gut instincts and take responsibility for your judgments. Those judgments are crucial in order to take care of oneself.

Fortune Cookie:
“Good judgment comes from experience, and often experience comes from bad judgment.”

Happy 4th of July weekend

2010-07-03T12:33:00.004-04:00

Hey gang... hope everyone's enjoying a great holiday weekend. Look out for a new blog Monday night. CHEERS!

HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND!

2010-05-30T11:25:00.000-04:00

Let It Go (by Sarah Jane)

2010-05-23T13:52:00.004-04:00

I often find myself upset over the littlest things, like my hair being frizzy or my favorite jeans not fitting anymore. And it can affect my entire outlook on the day. I am not as affectionate with my boyfriend, I can’t seem to focus at work, and I worry for absolutely no reason at all. The stupidest things on TV can make me cry hysterically and I can’t get my hand out of the chocolate box. I will hear things coming out of my mouth that I know I don’t really mean. I am convinced that I am so unhappy and unsatisfied with my life and OMG what am I going to do??? My bad mood starts to affect everyone else around me. The person I cut in front of in line at the deli, my best friend who came to me for advice and an ear to listen, and my boyfriend who now is feeling insecure about our relationship.

Every action has a reaction. Who we are in this world, how we act, and what we say makes up the threads of our existence as human beings. We all affect one another as we go through this journey called life. When I am getting aggravated about the silliest, most insignificant things I never stop to think how it’s affecting everything and everyone around me. The real things I should be worried about actually never cross my mind. They’re the things I so easily take for granted, like the fact that I can walk or have someone who will listen to what I have to say. I’m realizing at this moment that my worries don’t actually have any warrant.

A very wise and honest friend once told me that happiness is just an illusion. It’s how you look at things and how you choose every morning to face your day. There will always be things to be unhappy about in every situation; nothing will ever be perfect because perfection does not exist. However, you can always find stuff to be happy about no matter where you’re at or what you’re doing. Even in the worse situation you can find something to be grateful for. So when your mind fills you with worrisome thoughts, take a second to decide whether they are really worth your time. Sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves and others is to just let it go.

Fortune Cookie:
"Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy"

2010-05-23T13:50:00.001-04:00

In a Different Place (by Kelly)

2010-05-23T13:46:00.002-04:00

Wow, I can’t believe I just finished my first year of grad school. If someone would have asked me a few years ago where I would be at career wise around the age of 30, I probably would have responded that I would be working in a corporate capacity or be rolling in dough from being a successful recruiter. Never would I have guessed that I would be in grad school, studying counseling no less. It’s funny, money used to be my sole motivator but I came to realize that money wasn’t making me happy. Sure it was nice to get those fat commission checks and be able to buy all sorts of nice things, but I still felt like something was missing in my life. Even with all of my Jimmy Choo shoes and Gucci bags, I never really quite felt “right.”

Being able to go back to school has been such a blessing for me. I’ve said it many times: I am not a religious person, but I do feel spiritually blessed to be able to change my career yet again. The work I’ve done as a grad student has been life changing in itself. Waking up in the morning and actually feeling happy going to class and work is something I never truly felt before, at least not in the way I do now. In my work as a counselor I have found that I have a real purpose in life—helping others.

Sure, there has been some major stress for me along the way. Going back to school at 29 years old was far from easy. The transition was quite tough to take at times. I found myself constantly worrying about class work and wondering if I would ever be able to relax. My type A personality caused me a lot of undue anxiety. Looking back now I will admit that I was on edge pretty often. I am sure it affected how I treated others. Most people who know me know that I am a high energy person as it is, so add on some stress with a side of anxiety and you will get someone who might be a little tough to take at times…..or maybe even a lot of the time.

What changed for me was realizing that all evidence existed that I always got things done on time and I have always been a hard working person who reached her goals. If that was true of me in high school, college, and the working world, why wouldn’t that also be true of me in grad school? I started to take my emotions out of the picture and look at things rationally. It literally hit me like a ton of bricks: grad school will work out too. I wish it was something much more profound than that, but in reality it was quite simple. I finally got it. Nowadays, you will find me laughing more than ever before (if you can imagine that), feeling great about everything I’ve accomplished, and just generally being a much more happy and confident woman. I don’t regret everything that I’ve been through thus far, I just sometimes wish that it didn’t take me so long to get to where I am at now. With that being said, I can’t think of a better time to recognize all of these things and share my insight with others. What a perfect way to welcome yet another soon-to-be life transition……saying goodbye to my 20s and saying hello to turning 30.

Fortune Cookie:
“I keep the telephone of my mind open to peace, harmony, health, love and abundance. Then, whenever doubt, anxiety or fear try to call me, they keep getting a busy signal - and soon they'll forget my number”

Can Men and Women be Friends?

2010-05-05T19:14:00.004-04:00

A trip to the mall typically invokes conversations about the latest fashions we can’t seem to understand and how we’re dying for a green tea latte. But this time, as the usual gabbing subsided, an interesting conversation popped up—one that raised a question we just couldn’t seem to answer. In a situation where a man and a woman engage in more than just light banter, are they considered friends?

At work, one spends all day around the opposite sex. Sometimes it’s fun and casual and sometimes it’s more serious. As time goes on you get to know each other and are technically “friends.” But is it realistic to think that one person (or both) may have other intentions? Isn’t it human nature to feel attraction? Maybe your neighbor or your friend’s significant other is considered your friend, but can you safely say you’ve never thought about it becoming more than that? We'd like to think that human beings can practice self control and even though you or your partner may be attracted to other people, that doesn’t mean those thoughts will turn into actions.

So when your boyfriend tells you he's having lunch with a girl "friend" it may not be what you think. It may be that he actually is just friends with her and they really are just catching up. Isn’t there actually a great benefit to being friends with the opposite sex? Maybe you relate more to the opposite sex than you do to your fellow counterparts. Maybe you just enjoy filling your life with all different kinds of people so you can learn from each individually. We both agreed it’s quite beneficial to get insight from the opposite sex, especially because they can help us understand the other’s behavior. Unfortunately we’ve been programmed that men and women can’t just be friends. This idea stems from past hurt and disappointments, as well as our own experiences of so-called “friends” acting inappropriately. Then there are all of those romantic comedies about the "friends” who fall in love and live happily ever after.
With all of this being said, attraction is inevitable but maybe it’s simply about trust. Trust that your boyfriend or girlfriend would never cheat on you, trust that you can control yourself around a person you find good looking, and trust that you won’t give off the wrong impression to your own friends of the opposite sex. The bottom line is that honesty and communication are key in any relationship.

Fortune Cookie:
"“A deadness occurs in relationships when people are no longer willing to tell each other how they really feel”

Top ten reasons why turning 30 is fabulous

2010-04-15T18:17:00.002-04:00

You’re no longer waiting around for each year to pass. Time is moving much faster because your life is so full with things to do, friends to see and places to go.
You’re more comfortable with the way you look. You wear less makeup and care less about what people think.
You’re no longer too young to have an opinion. You have had a lot of rich experiences that allow you to build your own thoughts and ideas.
You have a much stronger idea as to what you want out of your career. You’ve tried a few different things and have figured out what you need besides a paycheck.
You have left the home you grew up in and the college town you partied in. You have lived in other areas, met new people and tried different things. You may have even been lucky enough to do some traveling and seen what else is out there.
You have a solid relationship with your spirituality. You’ve learned right from wrong, good vs. evil, and what ultimately is going to give you peace of mind.
You can handle constructive criticism. You don’t take things so personally and think your world is over just because someone doesn’t like something you did. You’ve learned we all have different ways of doing things and that’s what makes this world so interesting.
You’re much less gossipy. You could not care less about what Jenny is wearing or about what Chris said behind your back.
You’re hardly losing your youthful glow. You realize that 30 does not equal overweight, wrinkly old blob. In fact you’ve never looked and felt better!
You’ve finally figured out what makes you happy. You know what type of person you want to be with, what you expect from your friendships, and what you love to do with your free time.

Here’s to 30! LIVE, LAUGH, AND LOVE!

2010-04-11T11:10:00.007-04:00

We were planning on writing a top ten list yesterday at River Palooza but somehow got side tracked... oops. Hope everyone had an awesome weekend like we did. Cherry cherry boom boom

PATTERNS

2010-04-01T12:24:00.002-04:00

Do you ever wonder why you go through the same issues each year, each breakup, and each new job? The saying “same old shit different day” is easily one of the most popular phrases out there. If we have the ability to learn and change why should this ever occur? The brain is the most powerful intriguing organ in our body but most of us don’t think twice about its capabilities. We don’t realize what it’s accomplishing because it works so naturally communicating with the rest of the body by sending signals all throughout 24/7. Every thought is created effortlessly and systematically. What most fail to realize is that over time our experiences form patterns in the brain. If a habit or thought is repetitive, the brain gets used to that sequence, as each event that occurs creates memories that are stored. Recognizing how these patterns can effect our decisions is so important because you may be continuing to make the same mistakes in your life just because your brain is used to that pattern.

What’s somewhat alarming is the notion that we may not be able to change our behavior due to our ingrained patterns. Most of us have been in relationships where our partner has assured us that he or she will not continue to upset us with their behavior. Likewise, we have probably told our partners that we’ll work on some aspect of ourselves as well. So the question is, can we break our patterns? If it is possible, do we then go on to form new patterns? We’d like to think that people can change although most of the evidence is to the contrary. There isn’t anything wrong with that; we are who we are and no one is perfect. Everyone must compromise on something—the key is to figure out what we can and cannot accept.

Fortune Cookie:
“We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves”

2010-03-29T20:08:00.007-04:00

We realize that we haven’t been writing as much as we used to. We often look back at all we’ve posted and realize wow what a year we had. There is a lot of emotion flowing through these pages and life has changed so much since we started this. New jobs, going back to school, relationships ending and new ones beginning; the journey has been quite an adventure. But through it all we’ve realized that no matter what ever happens our friendship sustains us. The fun we have together and the conversations we delve into have made our lives so much richer. There is something to be said about friendship that so many take for granted. And someday when we look back on our 20’s we will be able to say we discovered ourselves through each other and the moments we shared. Look out for more blogs to come…

Untitled (by Kelly)

2010-03-21T21:38:00.003-04:00

I recently found out that one of my ex-boyfriends is engaged. This is a man that I felt a deep connection with and I can honestly say that I loved him. After seeing each other off and on for years, I decided to end things once and for all because we clearly wanted different things. He would always come back to me, say the right things, and I would take him back thinking this time things would be different. Pathetic, I know. I still don’t know why I allowed this to happen exactly, I guess I’ll go with the cliché of love being blind. I finally got the strength to keep him out of my life forever and vowed to myself that never again would I get seriously involved with someone who couldn’t give me what I want…..and DESERVE.

I would be lying if I said that hearing this news didn’t sting a little. Even though I am completely over him, I couldn’t help but wonder what this woman had that I didn’t have. After all, he was the definition of a non-committal man. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks: maybe it isn’t about what she has or what I lacked, maybe it’s all about timing. My ex is now 33 years old. Perhaps he is now ready to make a commitment to someone and is truly in love. Perhaps he was always capable of making a real commitment, but not with me because I wasn’t the “One.” Maybe when he told me that he lost his hair and needed to settle down he wasn’t kidding. Or maybe it’s something much deeper than that and I’ll never understand why people end up with the people they do. What I do understand is that life and love are mysteries. Even when things make sense and appear to be simple, sometimes I still find myself asking why?

I can honestly say that I am quite happy and in a great place these days. I’m learning to take a different view with how I look at things as I approach my 30th birthday. Once June 7th rolls around my 20s will be behind me forever. That used to scare me. Now I look at it as a new beginning. This new decade of my life equals new possibilities. Someone once told me that maybe I am too giving for my own good; that people, especially men, may take advantage of my good nature. I’ve thought about that comment on a number of occasions and decided that I’m not going to change who I am just because I’m still single. If anything, I am going to continue to be my fabulous self, and if along the way I meet someone who appreciates me and all I have to offer, then that’s just the icing on the cake.

If I saw my ex and his new fiancée on the street I’d smile and wish them well, because to me life is not about what could have been or why something didn’t work; it’s about living each moment, learning, growing, and moving forward. I’m going to continue to live, laugh, and love every minute. The world is at my fingertips and I plan to grab as much as I can.

“Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.” SATC

On Reflection (by Sarah Jane)

2010-01-03T12:17:00.006-05:00

Each year on January 1st, I sit down and decide what my resolutions will be for the next year to come. Mine always seem to include something like I want to be a better person, I want to make better decisions, and I don’t want to make mistakes. Once in a while there is something about eating better, working out more and becoming more fabulous lol but it’s the guilt in me that says you must strive to be better than you were last year, you must not mess anything up this time around, not like all those previous slip-ups. As I was driving home yesterday I realized that all my mistakes had lead me to where I was now, spiritually, mentally and physically. And whether I realized it or not each of these mistakes has actually made me happier, smarter and healthy, not the opposite. When a relationship ended, a better one came of it because I expected more and thus didn’t settle for anything less than exactly what I deserved. When I lost my job, I found an even better opportunity because I worked harder at finding exactly what I was looking for with all the benefits I deserved. When I became lazy and didn’t care as much about my health, it motivated me to loose those couple extra pounds and push myself even harder in the gym than ever before. When friendships fizzled, I took extra time with the people that really mattered to me and showed them how special they were, resulting in even stronger bonds. When money got tight, I learned how to budget better and only buy things I really needed. Even after all the pit falls that 09 brought, I ended the year happier than I have ever been in along time. Maybe there is something to be said about wanting more for yourself and wanting to improve your life from the previous year but maybe the mistakes and wrong steps are what make us grow. Maybe resolutions are not really meant to resolve anything. Maybe they’re meant for us to realize how far we’ve come.

Fortune Cookie:
"Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us."

2009-12-11T13:03:00.002-05:00

Due to the eggnog making, B101 listening, Santa hat wearing, birthday celebrating, Christmas family gatherings, concerts, school work, yahtzee game playing, shopping, working out, evacuating the dance floor shenanigans… the Blog is officially on Christmas vacation. We are wishing everyone a wonderful holiday full of laughter and hugs. See you in 2010!

Decoding His/Her Moves

2009-11-29T18:52:00.004-05:00

Kiss on the cheek is “We are friends”
Bumping into you is “I notice you too, let’s talk”
Asking to catch up is “I messed up, give me another chance”
Friend requesting you is “I wanna know if you’re seeing someone”
Texting you non-stop is “I have a crush on you”
Taking a walk with you is “I wanna spend more time with you”
Slap on the ass is “Your body is bangin’ baby”
Playing with your hair is “I feel really close to you”
Looking into your eyes is “Let’s get romantic”
Kiss on the ear is “Lets get down to business”
Asking you to watch a movie is “I want to lay with you”
Giving you a gift is “I want to make you happy”
Opening the door for you is “I wanna treat you right”
Calling you is “I miss you”
Poking you is “I’m afraid to show you how I feel”
Holding hands is “I’m falling in love with you”
Kiss on the lips is “I wanna be with you”
Introducing you to their parents is “I see a future with you”
Arms around you is “I can’t live without you”

Fortune Cookie:
“Sometimes in life what's not said is loudly heard. And the bottom line you will find is that actions speak louder than words.”

Yummy Fall Favorites

2009-11-23T20:48:00.002-05:00

You know its Fall when you go outside and the sun seems to have disappeared as fast as it came. All the leaves are floating around and the trees are almost bare. It’s also time to break out the warm sweaters and jackets. There is a certain comfort that comes with Fall, especially when it comes to food. Here are our favorite Fall foods. Hopefully you will feel inspired to head into the kitchen (or go out to eat) for some deliciousness……… Fall style.

Apple Cranberry Stuffing
Taco Soup
Pumpkin Waffles with Maple Walnut Apples
Butternut Squash Soup
Baked Mac N Cheese
Sweet Potato Fries
Apple Cider with Ginger and Orange
Pumpkin Gnocchi with a Brown Butter Sauce
Cinnamon Toast
Pumpkin Roll with Cream Cheese Filling
Tomato Basil Bisque
Candied Sweet Potatoes

Fortune Cookie:
“Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie” ~Jim Davis

Our Favorite Products

2009-11-16T08:45:00.002-05:00

It can be extremely overwhelming when you walk into a pharmacy or beauty discount store. The isles are full of eye catching phrases and claims of amazing results. There is a constant struggle of do I go with the brand I like or do I try something new? We have found that discovering what other people use and love actually yields much better results. It’s always great to get inside tips from Cosmo and Allure but you never know if the products are being endorsed. As the beauty industry keeps growing, we keep scratching our heads with curiosity. So we thought it would be fun to share some of our favorite products with you in hopes that they may soon become your favorites, and in doing so, maybe get some great ideas in return.

Lancôme Mascara: this is our favorite mascara! We have both been a fan before we were even friends. It is on the expensive side selling for around $23 but it gives you such incredible lashes that it’s worth every penny.

Catwalk Oatmeal & Honey Shampoo and Conditioner for Damaged Hair by TIGI: this is a great find. Most salons have it and mega beauty stores like Ulta and Sephora carry it as well. The smell alone is worth using it, but it leaves your hair soft, volumized, and never weighed down.

Garnier Pure 3 in 1 Wash-Scrub-Mask: it’s super cheap but does the job. Perfect for a good exfoliation and every day use. If you feel like giving your skin an extra boost it also can be left on as a great clay mask. Perfect for winter skin blues!

MAC Studio Fix: this powder contains a little bit of foundation and is pretty awesome. Trust us, we’ve tried many brands. It provides even coverage but you can’t see it on your face. Plus, there are so many shades that it can match almost anyone’s skin tone.

Yves Saint Laurent Touche Éclat: this is a highlighter that can be applied to any part of the face, but we recommend you use it under your eyes. It reflects light and makes you look rested while giving you a glow.

Stila Lip Glaze: this is a fantastic lip gloss that provides a hint of color and lots of shine. We love it!

So now, tell us, WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITES?

The Victim

2009-11-09T08:54:00.005-05:00

In order to understand your choices in life, you must understand the relationship between freedom and cause. We all have moments where we analyze our actions, usually because the results from those actions are unpleasant. But why are we so quick to blame everything and everyone other than ourselves when we make a mistake?

This was the topic flowing out of our mouths at a rapid pace yesterday. It wasn’t our average discussion about men, life, and sex; this conversation seemed much deeper. Why is it so hard for us and our peers to make better decisions and to stop the blame game? Free will raises the question whether, and in what sense, we exercise control over our actions, decisions, and choices. The Greek Stoic philosopher, Chrysippus, says that "everything that happens is followed by something else which depends on it by causal necessity. Likewise, everything that happens is preceded by something with which it is causally connected. For nothing exists or has come into being in the cosmos without a cause.” So basically, we can blame everything in our lives on something else. “I am overweight because of all the junk food out there” or “I acted like an ass because I was drunk” or “I hurt you because someone hurt me.” As a child we’re taught all about responsibility: Don’t do drugs, don’t have unprotected sex, eat healthy to live longer, etc. Yet as adults it seems we have forgotten the lessons we learned as a child. We’re constantly making up excuses and saying we are a victim. The world is not an ideal place and when we’re vulnerable and angry we can’t help but defend our actions by blaming everything around us. But the truth of the matter is that you always have a choice. It is a right given to us that we so easily take for granted. In reality nobody forces us to do anything; we are free to choose to do whatever we want. So why can’t we take responsibility for who we are and for the way we act? Unlike people in some other countries, we can do things we want to do without somebody telling us we can’t. If we constantly blame everything other than ourselves, then we take away our right and our freedom to live. What’s wrong with saying no, making a different choice, and taking accountability? Isn’t it all just about will power and integrity? Maybe in school they should have taught us more about having self esteem and the confidence to make the right decision even if it goes against our peers and what society wants. Instead of blaming circumstance, why don’t we practice self control? Just because people can get rip roaring drunk and hurt themselves or someone else, does that mean we should stop drinking beer? Just because 67 % of Americans are overweight and consequently ill from it, does that mean we should stop baking brownies? Just because your heart was broken numerous times does that mean you should hurt someone yourself? We must remind ourselves that we are not a victim; we control how our life is and who we want to become. Don’t let your environment shape you; shape your environment according to your wants and needs. Why not admit we made a mistake, learn to forgive, and make better choices? Maybe through recognizing and embracing our own shortcomings, we can help others when they need it the most.

Fortune Cookie:
"Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality"

WHAT’S FOR DINNER?

2009-11-02T10:24:00.006-05:00

Not to point out the obvious, but just in case there are people out there who don’t know, we thought we should mention that we love food. Food is something we both thoroughly enjoy; we love eating it, cooking it, and talking about it. Eating it is by far our favorite though! So, for our fellow foodies, we decided to write about the restaurants that have a special place in our hearts. We realize that some of these restaurants are expensive, so some may best be saved for a special occasion.

Warning: your mouth may start to water and you may become extremely hungry after reading about this deliciousness.

Cuba Libre: located in the heart of Old City, this Cuban restaurant also doubles as a salsa hot-spot at night. In addition to fabulous cocktails, such as white peach sangria, they also serve incredible food. Our favorite entrée is Camarones con Cana, which is jumbo shrimp covered in a mango glaze and served with a ridiculously yummy stuffed pepper.

Monk’s Café: even though this place is a cramped little hole-in-the-wall, the selection of Belgium beers makes up for it. They are known for their mussels and fries, which come served with their famous bourbon mayonnaise for dipping. (Go wipe your mouths.) Next time you’re near 16th and Spruce, check it out!

Davios: in our opinion, this is one of the best Italian Steakhouses in the city. Davios is located on 17th St between Chestnut and Sansom, and is attached to G Lounge. We can’t say enough about their steaks, but for those of you who aren’t into the whole red meat thing, there are many other options. Do yourself a favor and try the penne with smoked chicken and sun-dried tomatoes smothered in a walnut cream sauce. You can order it as an appetizer or an entrée. It’s absolutely delectable!

Le Castagne: this is Kelly’s favorite Italian restaurant, located at 19th and Chestnut. In addition to all of your traditional Italian dishes, they also have exotic specials pretty often, such as antelope. The gnocchi served in a white truffle cream sauce is to die for and the desserts are spectacular.

Manayunk Tavern: if you don’t feel like heading to the city, Manayunk has many tasty places to grab a bite. Sarah’s favorite is this great find on Main Street where everyone feels like a regular. Try their crab grilled cheese with a cup of tomato basil bisque; it is comfort food to the max. If you’re feeling adventurous, add a side of sweet potato fries with their creamy cinnamon dipping sauce.

Tamarind: if you’re a fan of Thai restaurants you’ll love this one located at 117 South Street. The food is light, fresh, and inexpensive. It’s also BYOB so it makes for a great place for a first date. Order a couple things you’ve both never had before and spend the rest of the evening feeding each other and discovering new favorites.

Sabrina's Cafe: if you’re looking for the best brunch in the city any day of the week, check out this great spot hidden between the Italian Market on 9th Street and Christian Street. Park by the market for only $3 all day and take a walk through all of the amazing food vendors before you go. Come hungry and order their stuffed caramelized challah french toast. It is an explosion of pleasure in your mouth with every bite!

Sexy Kitten or Wicked Witch?

2009-10-26T09:59:00.002-04:00

With Halloween approaching we decided to head to a costume store for intrigue and ideas. As we were digging through the wigs and funny masks we couldn’t help but notice the choices that were available for female costumes. Everything was sexified. Sexy kitten, sexy nurse, sexy maid, sexy cheerleader, etc., all with the intent of fulfilling some fantasy most men have had since the age of 12. The only other options included a witch, a zombie, or a monster covered in blood; that was it! The men’s selections included a wide variety of costumes ranging from super hero to firefighter to baseball player. This sparked quite an interesting conversation about the roles women play and the categories that men put us in. We got to thinking that it may very well be a strong possibility that the majority of men (perhaps women too) subconsciously put you in a category when they first meet you. As far as dating is concerned, this can become a huge road block when trying to rummage through all of the frogs to find your prince. Most of us are looking for someone who really “gets” us and wants exactly what we want, but if you’re placed in a category, how do you move past those assumptions?

Initial first impressions can set the tone for how the next couple of months will play out. Let’s just say that you’re out at a bar having fun with your friends and sipping on some cocktails. You’re goofing around and dancing with your girlfriends when you end up meeting a guy and hitting it off. Will he automatically put you into the category of “sexy kitten,” the fun, carefree, wild, but not-taken-seriously girl? What about if you’re not a partier and more of an introvert? You meet someone through a mutual friend at a BBQ and you’re not as outspoken as the other girls. Are you then labeled as the “wicked witch,” the serious, not-as-outgoing, doesn’t-know-how-to-relax-and-have-fun girl? We couldn’t help but wonder why you can’t be both. What if you love to have fun and act crazy but also want to be respected and taken seriously at times? Is that such a mind-boggling concept? How do you break free from your category and get people to see both sides of you?

Fortune Cookie:
“A woman's sense of self should be defined through her feelings, not through her actions or appearance”

2009-10-17T20:49:00.002-04:00

Sometimes in life, you find a special friend. Someone who changes your life just by being a part of it. Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop. Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world. Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it. This is forever friendship. When you're down and the world seems dark and empty, your forever friend lifts you up in spirit and makes that dark and empty world suddenly seem bright and full. Your forever friend gets you through the hard times, the sad times and the confused times. If you turn and walk away, your forever friend follows. If you lose your way, your forever friend guides you and cheers you on. Your forever friend holds your hand and tells you that everything is going to be okay. And if you find such a friend, you feel happy and complete because you need not worry. You have a forever friend, and forever has no end.

29 and Counting (by Sarah Jane)

2009-10-11T13:23:00.008-04:00

How old you are depends on when you were born and the time that has passed since that date. My concept of time is currently gone. All I know is that Sydney is 14 hrs ahead and LA is 3 hrs behind. I am on yet another journey to another continent visiting my brother in Sydney, Australia. Nothing seems certain as I have been on this plane for what seems like eternity. What I do know is that the world is turning, hours are passing, and time is moving on, for sure. The present is becoming the past and tomorrow is now today. It seems quite funny to me now because I got on the plane on Tuesday and I will be landing Thursday morning in Sydney. What happened to Wednesday? Because I passed over the date line and because of the time difference, Wednesday never actually occurred. It appears to me that time is actually not that important; it can be so easily changeable depending on where you’re at. But maybe the same thing can be said about your life. We all have learned that there is a time to be happy, a time to be sad, and a time for everything. In our own personal life, there has been a time to be single and a time to be committed in a relationship. There has been a time when we’ve had a steady job working 10 hours a day with our health insurance and our 401 k to go with it. And there has also been a time when we are going from job to job, maybe collecting unemployment, hoping we don’t get sick because we can’t afford any insurance. Unquestionably we all have goals we want to accomplish by a definite time in our life. With that said what is the right time? And why are we so fixed on figuring it out and making ourselves feel guilty if we don’t meet the criteria? To some people if you don’t do a certain something by a certain time you are a failure. But why should it matter when time is actually relative to how long you have? No one knows when the end is so why does it become so stressful? Maybe your time to do something in your life should depend on where you’re at in your life. My fear is that people rush into things before they are ready just to get to a certain point in their life by age 30. It’s almost like visiting all of these countries for only one day just to get a stamp on your passport but never really stopping and enjoying the actual surroundings. You just want to be able to go back home and show everyone all the places you’ve been. You care more about people’s perception of you rather than who you really are.

Traditionally, I am not where I should be by this time. Traditionally, my life should have played out a lot different. I don’t own a home, I am not married, and I have no kids. But what I have accomplished has been just as fulfilling because every year I have learned something new. For me, 29 and counting never felt so good and I can’t wait for 30. I feel like your 20’s are all about discovering yourself, learning, and making mistakes. Just as time can change depending on what continent you’re on, so can the time that’s right for you to accomplish a certain goal. Maybe you want to go back to school, or move to another city, or break off that serious relationship. There is no right or wrong way because at the end of the day the race is only with yourself.

Fortune Cookie:
“The true worth of your travels lies not in where you come to be at the journey's end, but in who you come to be along the way”

Kelly and Sarah’s Top 25 Favorite Things

2009-10-04T19:43:00.002-04:00

Happiness is defined differently for everyone but most would say it can be found in the little things: moments where you stop and realize wow, this is awesome, this made my day, I can’t stop smiling, etc. It’s your favorite things that can make a day from hell turn into a much better situation. It can be quite elusive at times, but what we know for sure is that once we’ve figured out what makes us happy, we can continue to enjoy those things in our lives rather than focusing on the bad stuff. We decided to make a list of our favorite things because we realize just how lucky we are and what’s really important. In return, we hope this list inspires you to reflect on the little things that make you smile.

1. Laughing so hard your face hurts
2. Taking a drive on a pretty road
3. Hearing your favorite song on the radio
4. Home cooked meals
5. Finding the sweater you want is on sale for half price
6. Cookies n cream milkshakes
7. Having a good conversation with someone you never expected to
8. Finding a $20 bill in your coat from last winter
9. Having someone tell you that you are beautiful when you’re not wearing any makeup
10. Finding a good parking spot
11. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep
12. Having someone play with your hair
13. Road trips with friends
14. Photos from the night before
15. Holding hands with someone you care about
16. Watching the sunrise and sunset
17. Getting flowers for no reason at all
18. Seeing a really good movie that actually makes you think
19. Falling in love again
20. Giving someone a gift you know they’ll love
21. Taking long walks and getting fresh air
22. Getting a massage
23. Having your friends send you homemade cookies
24. Making eye contact with a cute stranger
25. Enjoying a green tea latte at Starbucks with your best friend

Dealing with the Passive-Aggressive

2009-09-28T09:12:00.000-04:00

Have you ever felt like you just can’t get it right with someone? You’ve been there for them, supported them, and listened to them time and again, but for some reason you find yourself constantly disappointed in their behavior. Or perhaps you’ve noticed that they are acting distant and/or negative and confrontational. You then realize that they are talking behind your back and you just can’t understand why they don’t talk to you face to face. Most of you can probably think of someone with whom you interact that fits this description. Whether it simply is an acquaintance, a “good” friend, a relative, or a co-worker, we all face these people at some point or another.

Passive-aggressiveness is defined as a “pervasive pattern of negative attitudes and passive, usually disavowed resistance in interpersonal or occupational situations.” What we have discovered is that passive-aggressive people are really just insecure and that most of us have probably acted this way at some point in our lives. We go through life trying to subtly build ourselves up, while simultaneously making the people around us feel like less of a human being. We strive to come across as though we’re making innocent comments but hope to make others envy us in the process. Whenever dealing with a passive-aggressive type, simply analyze the situation at hand. Remember, this person’s purpose is to make you feel like less of a person and to make him or her feel more important, smarter, better looking, more successful, or more impressive. Just try to stay calm, cool, and collected, all the while showing this person that you are quite confident in yourself. Try to deal with this passive-aggressive person in the most tactful and professional way possible, by simply standing up for yourself. Some people may say they simply don’t care and will just ignore such people, but for people like us, their demeaning habits can affect you so negatively to the point where it may become unhealthy. Unfortunately, direct confrontation never works with this type of person. They will deny, retreat, and become more resentful than ever. At some point you just have to lower your expectations and be appreciative of the people you have in your life who do not act this way towards you. The great thing about life is that you always have a choice and you can choose to not be surrounded by this behavior. If you’re lucky enough it may even teach you to be a better friend, family member or co-worker yourself!

Fortune Cookie:
“People who sugarcoat their hostility do not ever grow beyond it”

WORDS OF WISDOM (By Sarah Jane)

2009-09-13T21:28:00.002-04:00

At the end of the weekend I often find myself wondering about life. I look over the past weeks favorite moments and lessons learned. This week’s revelation came from a random Starbucks run with Kelly. While talking about the difficulties we face as 29 year old females just trying to figure out why we’re here and what this all means, Kel looks at me and says, “the only thing that matters when you leave this earth is that you loved and that you served.” I got chills. There are these certain quotes that completely encapsulate everything you are trying to say and more. I instantly felt better and thought yeah that’s it, that’s what I needed to hear. I couldn’t help but want to share my favorite quotes in hopes that they may have the effect on you the way Kelly’s words of wisdom had on me.

Here are some of my favorites…
My grandmother would say “Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it would hurt you, it probably would hurt that person too.” I think of that quote often and try to use it when making decisions that I know will affect someone else; that’s how I became so obsessed with karma.

My mom always says “The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.” She would say that whenever I was jealous of other families or friends. It was her way of reminding me not to worry about other people and to just worry about myself.

My dad always says “less talk, more action.” It’s simple but is so important. I always think of it when I am stuck in a rut and can’t figure something out. It makes me realize that sometimes you just gotta shut up and get going with what needs getting done. He used it a lot in business because he would complain about too many meetings of people blabbing and less problem solving. He would say “if you want to be great then you have to get out there and do great.”

Wisdom is defined as the ability to make sensible decisions and judgments based on personal knowledge and experience. I don’t think you necessarily need to be a certain age or have gone through a certain amount of something to be wise. India Arie reminds me while her voice sings through the speakers of my laptop that “inside my head there lives a dream that I want to see in the sun. Behind my eyes there lives a me that I’ve been hiding for much too long. ‘Cause I’ve been too afraid to let it show. ‘Cause I’m scared of the judgment that may follow, always putting off my living for tomorrow. It’s time to step out on faith. Strength, courage, and wisdom it’s been inside of me all along.”

Fortune Cookie:
“Three things tell a man: his eyes, his friends and his favorite quotes.”

Rock hard, rock long, rock often!

2009-09-13T21:06:00.004-04:00

Top 10 cheap, fun things to do when you’re broke

2009-09-07T10:08:00.004-04:00

With the current economic situation we could all save a little money right? As our unemployed status continues, so has our thirst to find fun things to do that do not require Capital Grille or a night in AC. So we couldn’t help but come up with a new top ten list. Whether you’re raking in the Benjamin’s or living unemployment pay check to pay check, these ten activities are sure to get you smiling without much cash needed.

1. Make dinner instead of going out. Between the parking costing an arm and a leg and the $20 entrees plus tip, it makes sense to prepare a gourmet meal at home. Frozen veggies are super cheap and if you pair it with some fresh fish or grilled chicken it only ends up being a couple of bucks per portion. All you need is spices and we all know we have them somewhere in the back of our cabinets.

2. Take a walk around Philadelphia. The city is a beautiful back drop for an afternoon of exercise and adventure. Our favorites are Kelly drive/Art museum area and Rittenhouse.

3. Head to Starbucks and people watch. Sure their green tea lattes are $4 but it has a great relaxing atmosphere. Most have seating outside and its fun to just catch up with an old friend or meet new ones.

4. Rent a DVD for $1 at the Redbox DVD machines at your favorite grocery store. They always have the newest titles in stock and for a dollar it sure beats the $10.50 price in the movie theater.

5. Drive to the beach for a day, pack a cooler and beach towels, and you’re on your way! It’s only a short drive away and you are practically on vacation. Some spots have free showers you can use to rinse off afterwards and then head to happy hour at one of the numerous fun spots at the Jersey shore.

6. Hit your local park and go for a hike or bike ride. Most parks have free admission and it’s a great way to get your heart rate pumping and breathe some fresh air.

7. Get some culture by visiting your local museum. Most have at least one free admission day per week and you’ll never know what kind of fun exhibits they may have on display. Even if you’re not an art enthusiast you’ll still appreciate the talent.

8. Forgo the King of Prussia shopping sprees and give Target and Old Navy a chance. This season they have great t-shirts and adorable skirts for under $15. No one needs to know it’s not Banana Republic.

9. If you’re looking for a little adventure why not head to NY City? The china town bus gets you there in an hour and a half and it’s only $20. It can cost you that much to park in most cities so if you don’t mind riding the bus, hop on and enjoy a day checking out Times Square, Rockefeller Center and Central Park, all of which are free activities.

10. Start a BLOG. Honestly it costs no money and it’s a great way to express yourself and tap into your creative side. You never know who you may inspire!

WHAT I WANT (by Kelly)

2009-08-30T19:12:00.002-04:00

I want someone who takes me for all that I am, accepts me for all that I am, and who will be there to catch me when I fall. I want someone who I can laugh and cry with, who understands the very essence of me, and even after knowing all of these things, would still love every part of me.

I want someone who isn’t afraid to let down his guard and be vulnerable with me, who isn’t ashamed to lean on me when he is down, or cry in my arms. I want someone who sees me as his partner and who feels that I compliment him.

I want someone who can look into my eyes and see our future together.

I want someone who can be happy just laying next to me and running his fingers through my hair.

I want someone who genuinely wants to be with me because of who I am and not because I am convenient.

I want someone who can live without me but chooses not to.

Fortune Cookie:
“As you become more clear about who you really are, you’ll be better able to decide what you want.”

Music

2009-08-17T10:48:00.001-04:00

Music…ahhhh what can be said? So many things, but at the same time, so little. Music can instill deep thought, it can bring up vivid memories, it can make you emotional, but music can also make you speechless. Sometimes if you’re feeling sad, your mood can be uplifted instantly by simply listening to your favorite song. On the other hand, sometimes even the happiest and brightest of moods can be shifted if a sad song plays. You then find yourself thinking of a lost loved one, a former love, an old friend, maybe even a pet. Music can create an array of feelings. It can move you to tears, give you chills up and down your spine, or make you smile from ear to ear. It can remind you of your first encounter with someone or the day they were no longer in your life.

What sparks emotion in you? Is it a single song, a soundtrack to a movie, or an entire band? Maybe you’re driving one day, listening to the radio, and Africa by Toto comes through your speakers. You instantly think of the day your father took you to your first soccer practice. Suddenly a smile comes to your face as you are reminded of how much you loved being a kid. Perhaps you’re watching a movie and I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor is playing in the background. You’re then reminded of your karaoke themed senior prom where you danced with the boy you had a crush on for months. Or maybe you walk into happy hour and the cover band is blasting Laid by James and you can’t help but laugh at all the fun you had at the college dive bars with your ridiculous outfits and fake I.D’s. It is amazing how a song or a tune can take you anywhere you want to go. It’s sort of hypnotic.

Any way you look at it, music can affect and inspire us all. It can help you through difficult times and it can make happy times even better. It’s a mood enhancer. It’s a gift, pure and true. One can even think of life as a song; a melody to which we all hum a different tune. What is the music of your life?

Fortune Cookie:
"Where words fail, music speaks"

2009-08-10T09:18:00.006-04:00

Hey there Ladies! We’re sure that almost all of you have either read the book or have seen the movie, “He’s Just Not That Into You.” While there are many signs and signals out there that let you know he’s just not that into you, we thought we would put a positive spin on the concept and give you our own top ten signs that show you...

HE IS INTO YOU.

1. He’s into you if he calls you. This is the simplest way to know if your guy is interested. One word texts do not count.

2. He’s into you if you’re the only woman he’s seeing and there aren’t any others in sight. This includes exes. Remember, unless he’s all yours, he’s still hers.

3. He’s into you if he makes seeing you a priority. The word “busy” is the relationship weapon of mass destruction. We’re all busy. If he’s into you, he’ll make the time.

4. He’s into you if he introduces you to his friends and family. That means he wants to show other people he’s into you.

5. He’s into you if he makes you feel sexy and desired, worthy of his affection. Telling you that you look beautiful can go a long way.

6. He’s into you if you can be yourself around him. He obviously likes you enough to not want to play games.

7. He’s into you if he is open and wants you to get to know the real person he is inside. He asks you questions about you too. “Hi” is not a question.

8. He’s into you if he shares with you something he fears and something he dreams of. It means he likes you enough to trust you.

9. He’s into you if he’s emotionally available to you. He doesn’t avoid the “what are we to each other” conversation.

10. He’s into you if he makes it known that your happiness is important to him. He wants to know where you want to go to dinner or what movie you want to watch.

There are tons of ways to recognize if a guy likes you. Sometimes it’s as simple as an exchange of a phone number to something much more… like meeting his parents. At the end of the day though, your instinct will always be the best guide. But don’t forget, you could just ask him!!!!

Fortune Cookie:
“It takes 3 seconds to say 'I Love You' but a lifetime to prove it.”

ONE (by Sarah Jane)

2009-08-04T17:54:00.001-04:00

There are 6.7 billion people in this world residing on 7 separate continents. In an average lifespan, you can meet thousands of different human beings all unique in their own way. Whether it’s someone you meet at school, at work, or through friends, every day people pass by you or sit across from you or wait in line in front of you. There are infinite opportunities for someone to come into your life and infinite reasons for someone to leave. You can know 200 people or just 2. Somehow it makes us feel important if we have a cell full of numbers and lots of friends to go out with. It makes us think it would matter if we were gone. So why even with a slew of Facebook friends, photo albums bursting, and a phone constantly buzzing are we always feeling insecure and alone? Is it because even in a crowded room with smiles galore no one really feels like anyone actually knows them? We’re taught from a young age to always put on a happy face, wear a mask, play a role. No one wants to be around someone who has issues. People want to hang with the fun and “simple” characters, or the person who never cries or shows fear, or the person always up for anything and happy to oblige. The type that certainly wouldn’t question or show any sort of unhappiness or discontent. I learned through the years that if I broke down and revealed my hurt that most people wouldn’t want to be bothered. They didn’t have time. They were too busy needing me to fix their daily life drama. Somehow I could be everyone else’s therapist but my own. I longed to understand their behavior but never revealed anything about mine. I convinced myself that keeping everything locked up inside was the best and safest place for it to stay. Well, that all changed one Sunday afternoon…

It was just an ordinary day, nothing special had occurred moments before, but as the tears rolled down my cheek, I knew I would never be the same. Many had tried to break in, lift the bars, and remove the blocks protecting my heart: thieves and robbers, liars and beggars, wizards and tricksters. But things were different this one afternoon. It wasn’t the way he looked or what he said, it was how his eyes were fixed on me, like he couldn’t live without having every ounce of me, every second of everyday. I came to him broken and he fixed all the empty space in my heart like it was his sole purpose of living; like every moment prior to this prepared him to be able to save me. My walls came crumbling down, the gate was unlocked, and my heart was there for the taking. As I wept he held me and for the first time in my life I had a feeling I belonged. The pain left with every word he spoke. I spent years of silence thinking no one will ever understand the darkness I kept concealed, but as I exhaled each breath, all that I had been escaped me. He understood who I was, who I wasn’t, and who I longed to be. He listened to my every thought without judgment. Knowing that I had a journey ahead of me, he said I will come with you. I will help you take each step amongst the stairs. He didn’t run away or try and downplay any of my emotions. Was it because he was the first man who actually saw past the mask, or was it simply that his heart had the ability to love all of me, not just what he wanted me to be? After everything was said, a comfort filled the room and we both knew what we felt all along…that we were each other’s puzzle piece, each other’s missing part, each other’s home. It was then that I knew, only he could make me feel this way. The sadness lifted and all that was left was a place of tranquility, where happiness collects like standing water. It was then that I knew even though there are billions of people in the world, all you really need is ONE.

Fortune Cookie:
“The only love worthy of a name is unconditional”

PUPPETS ON A STAGE by Kelly

2009-07-27T11:13:00.002-04:00

Sometimes when I get to thinking about life, what it means, why we’re here, etc I ask myself what if we’re all just puppets on a stage? What if we’re just part of some greater force’s dream, or characters in a play? What if we’re all just figments of each other’s imaginations? I know this sounds a bit freakish, but I want to put it out there. Now, I know that some may say, oh, that’s such a cliché. She watched the Truman Show or The Matrix, that’s where this idea came from. Honest to God, that’s not the case. I can remember being a little girl and sitting outside my house, gazing up at the stars and wondering…..just wondering. I can also remember contemplating this idea when I was a tax accountant and was working 7 days a week about 9 months out of the year. I would sit at my desk, stare at the 1120’s in front of me, and think what the hell is the point of this?! I know we all have to make a living and that’s why we work. That’s the simple part. I get that. I just wish I knew WHY we go through a lot of what we go through. So many times people tell me to stop questioning things and to just go with the flow. I’ve been told that I am too inquisitive for my own good and that I overanalyze. In addition to everything else that I long to understand (and there’s a lot), I want to know the meaning surrounding why we’re all here. I want to know why some of us have it so good and some of us struggle to get by; why some of us are in perfect health and others are so sick that they can’t do everyday things like feed themselves. They say that emotional pain makes you stronger and that without suffering you wouldn’t appreciate the good things in life. I can accept that. I believe that. If I never experienced a broken heart maybe I wouldn’t have come to appreciate something as simple as waking up next to someone special. I do believe that life is a journey, but I can’t quite figure out where I am going. Is there a predetermined plan for me? Is my life just a part of some ultimate script? I don’t want to believe that and I guess I really don’t. But like I said, I’ve thought about this before many times. The more I write about this, the more I feel like there is no way that everything we’ve been through is pointless or without purpose. I also would find it very hard to believe that I am just an optical illusion. I’m much too complex for that.

Fortune Cookie:
“What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful.” –the Dalai Lama

Laughter is the best medicine!

2009-07-26T20:32:00.013-04:00

MARRY ME? (by Sarah Jane)

2009-07-20T09:31:00.009-04:00

Sometimes I think I am just a fragile tortured soul hiding in a box. People just turn the knob and I pop out swaying back and forth with a smile on my face. What people fail to realize is that after the fun is over I retreat back into the box. The lid closes tight and I am in darkness, alone, until someone comes along and turns the knob again. Lately I have been staying in the box, crawling out of my skin, screaming to get out. Where did this box even come from? I guess that’s what happens when 3 ex’s contact you all in the same two week period, clearly a mind fuck when you’re trying to move forward with your life. Or maybe it’s because I realize I have regrets about things I did in my past… people I pushed away. Perhaps it’s just because once again I feel lost with no direction. Sometimes we all just need to hear “it’s not your fault.” Nobody said it was easy but nobody said it would be this hard, as Chris Martin reminds us, let’s go back to the start...

I remember the first time I wanted to get married. We’d been together for so long it seemed like the next step. We lived together, we spent all family functions together, we never fought and I trusted him. Why wouldn’t we get married, have babies and live happily ever after? Well one day I came home from work and he was in bed. I asked him if he was ok. He said he hadn’t slept in a week and that he was moving out. But I did everything right didn’t I? I made dinner, I did laundry, and I vacuumed every other week. I was friendly to his mother and funny with his friends. I backed off when I knew he needed space and comforted him when he was low. I always called to say if I was going to be home late. I paid my half of the bills. I made love to him more times than I was in the mood for and spiced things up as to make sure he was always satisfied. I did everything my mom taught me about how to make a man happy. He moved out the next day and told me he just couldn’t take care of me the way I took care of him; I deserved better. My so called plan of happily ever after was now gone. All the names I’d come up with for our children, where we’d live, and what kind of life we’d lead together was now just a memory. I was 23.

A year later I started yet another seemingly perfect combination for wedding bliss. He was sweet, funny and adored me. He had his career, had already figured out who he was, and was well traveled. We talked often about our future together. Again I found myself imagining my name with his last name, how he’d propose and what kind of father he’d be. When he got a promotion outside of the city it was hands down the right decision. I would go with him; we’d move in together and start this future we talked so much about. Getting married was all I thought about, where we’d have the reception, my dress, the flowers etc. So it certainly seemed natural when, after living together for a couple of months, we headed to the jewelry store to try on different engagement rings to see which one I liked. But after that visit, things drastically changed. He stopped coming home, never answered his phone and on my birthday told me he had changed his mind. I moved out the next day. I was 26.

As friends of mine continued to get married, all I kept wondering was what was wrong with me. I started to feel I had no worth because I didn’t have a diamond on my finger like all the other girls I saw. I would go to Target and slip on one of those cubic zirconium rings and wear it while I was shopping, just to feel like I was as good as my married friends. Why did I hold so much worth to this ideal? At the end of the shopping spree I would put the ring back on the rack and feel incomplete. Why was this so important to me? What I realized is that I thought this ring would mean I could trust my boyfriend and that I could rely on him. But at the end of the day it was just a piece of jewelry. Happily ever after doesn’t start when someone gets on one knee and proposes. Happily ever after starts when you find someone you can spend every second with and yet still miss them. It’s those days where you can just be “yourself” around each other. Whether it’s a walk in the park, catching a funny movie or kissing for hours… it’s the simplest moments like laughing over something only the two of you understand. That means more to me than a diamond ever could. And I know that if a man ever was to make that commitment to me and ask me that life changing question that it would be the easiest decision I ever made, not because of this sparkly diamond ring but because of the moments we’d already shared together, because we already trusted each other, and we already knew that we couldn’t live the rest of our lives without each other. That our tangled up disasters were beautiful through each other’s eyes and whether we wore a ring on our finger or not we knew that our life had been forever changed for the better because of what we were to each other.

As I try to break through this emotional mess, I focus on the future. I don’t have to be this tortured soul, a victim of her circumstance. I have to believe that everything happens for a reason and its all part of the greater plan. I wasn’t meant to get married at that time to those people. And just because I am lost, doesn’t mean I won’t find my way back. Some of the most interesting people are the ones who have allowed themselves a chance to fight against their inner demons. Even if they stumble along the way, at least they tried. There is no sense getting to the end of this journey called life and not have tried. What a waste that would be. Who knows what the future holds, whether one day I will have a ring on my finger or one day this box I retreat to will disappear. Maybe I’ll finally realize that none of it matters as long as I have love in my life. Love is certainly more than I could ever ask for.

Fortune Cookie:
“I believe love is the answer, I believe love will find a way”

KEEPIN IT REAL….OR SO WE HOPE

2009-07-13T09:18:00.007-04:00

Hey Everyone--If you know us pretty well, then you also know that we’re both big fans of keepin it real, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. We constantly discuss the trials and tribulations of getting to know someone when you’re in the “honeymoon” stage of the relationship, or simply when you’re dating someone new and trying to figure them out. What is this person all about? What are their intentions? Do they mean what they say? Do they see me as someone they can get serious with or are they just looking to have a good time? No matter if you’re a hopeless romantic or a big-time player, we strongly believe that EVERYONE has pondered these questions at some point in his or her life. Which leads us into the following conversation…we were on the train coming back from a night out in the city on Friday when we found ourselves having a completely random conversation with a guy we are going to refer to as the “Train Crasher.” He was very eager to get a picture with us and, as a result, we decided to pick his brain. Perhaps it was the fact that we were complete strangers to him, or maybe in retrospect he’ll blame the convo on the al-al-al-alcohol. Either way, it was very refreshing to get a guy’s seemingly honest thoughts and opinions on dating and finding the “one.”

Train Crasher: so yeah, I am talking to this nice girl who lives in Manayunk
KellyandSarah: oh yeah? You’re “talking” to her?
Train Crasher: yes "talking"
KellyandSarah: what does that mean? you're dating her?
Train Crasher: yes, but I feel like people always need to label
KellyandSarah: how long have you two been talking?
Train Crasher: since the beginning of May
KellyandSarah: its really not that complicated. We look at dating, or whatever you want to call it, as being so much more simple than people make it out to be, meaning we'd like to believe that its really simple…either you like someone and want to get to know them or you don’t
Train Crasher: yes, and only time will tell if you want to take the next step and become an exclusive couple
KellyandSarah: exactly, that's all we’re trying to say. However.....we wish more men (women too) would just be real. Like, we’re 29 years old, just keep it real…we’re big girls and can take it if you're not into anything more than just having a good time
Train Crasher: does keeping it real ever go bad?
KellyandSarah: it shouldn’t, as long as you truly are “keepin it real.” We hate when guys tell you things that they think you want to hear and don’t mean any of it (women too)
Train Crasher: explain…
KellyandSarah: like, you're having a great time, a few weeks or months go by, they're saying all these things that imply they are into you, then pull the rug out from under you…and then if you feel hurt they treat you like you imagined it all in your head…just tell me from the gate if its just fun. Don’t be all like, killing me with compliments, etc and then a month later be like um, I don’t want to be involved in anything serious…we’re not stupid, we’re really smart girls…probably what happened is the guy just wasn’t that into us from the start
Train Crasher: I’ve actually had talks about where our relationship is going with this "nice girl" about 5 times now, that I am taking things extremely slow and don’t know if anything is going to come of it......am I wrong?
KellyandSarah: nope, not at all, sounds like you are making the effort to be real with this girl…but be real with us, you already know in your gut if you see any potential there right? There's no way that you are completely unsure of how you feel about her
Train Crasher: yes, you are right about the gut feeling, but I also think that people can grow on you
KellyandSarah: sure they can, but it really shouldn’t be that complicated
Train Crasher: you’re right, from past experiences I’ve known instantly
KellyandSarah: we truly believe that if you're unsure of someone after hanging out for a few weeks/months then they aren’t right for you. We’re not saying that you have to be in love with the person, but after a few dates you at least know if you have the capability of falling for that person or if you may want to eventually get serious with this person
Train Crasher: I agree with that but is it wrong to still want to hang out with them?
KellyandSarah: no, nothing wrong with that at all, but you know in your gut how it will ultimately play out right? We get that no one can predict the future, but please just be honest, you already know if you’re into this girl or not. Would you agree with that?
Train Crasher: yes…I mean, things can change though
KellyandSarah: dude, its been well over a month, closer to 2 months….we’re not saying you have to be in love but come on…
Train Crasher: I know I know…you guys are right…she’s not someone I see myself with in the long run

We found this conversation extremely stimulating because even though at first he said he was hanging out with a nice girl and seeing how things went, he ultimately knew in his heart that she wasn’t someone he saw himself with in the future. As new relationships start each person wonders what the other is thinking and wonders if this person is for real. We’d like to think that when the right person does come along there will be no doubt in either person’s mind. Love at first site may be a little too naïve, but there is something to be said about intuition and being honest with yourself about how you actually feel. Just remember to be honest and please….keep it real.

Fortune Cookie:
"Listen to your intuition for it will tell you everything you need to know"

2009-07-07T00:11:00.003-04:00

Did you ever wake up after a dream and wonder, “Wow, what did that mean?” Have you ever experienced a recurring dream? We recently were talking about dreams and discovered that we both have frequent, very vivid dreams. We were also pleasantly surprised to find that we share some of the same dreams. Is it a coincidence or is there a deeper underlying meaning?

DECODING YOUR DREAMS

1. Being Naked in Public: there may be uncertain circumstances in your life or you may be experiencing positive or negative change…OR you’re just horny

2. Teeth Falling Out: you’re going through a compromise or experiencing financial worry…OR you just want to make out

3. Flying: associated with positive experience; something that made you feel wonderful, capable, and free…OR you’re just really good in bed

4. Failed Breaks: you feel you’re losing control in some aspect of your life…OR you just really regret your last sexual encounter

5. Not Enough Credits to Graduate: represents feelings that you don’t deserve your accomplishments or successes; you may feel as if your talent is a fluke…OR you’re just really bad in bed

6. Being Chased: connected to initial worries learned when you were a kid, such as fear of instability…OR you just like to be dominated in bed

7. Celebrity Friends: connected to wanting to belong socially…OR you just want to jump Megan Fox or Bradley Cooper

8. Endless Chewing of Gum: represents feelings of anxiety, frustration, or overload…OR you just have a sudden craving for a banana or a pink taco

9. Can’t Find a Toilet: associated with the inability to meet your personal needs because of frustrating circumstances or other people…OR you’re just sexually frustrated

10. Ex-Lovers: in some cases, these dreams can warn you not to react to your new love as if they were your ex…OR you just want to $#!* your ex again

Fortune Cookie:
"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream"

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!!!!!

2009-07-05T15:47:00.003-04:00

CAN WE CHANGE?

2009-06-29T10:03:00.002-04:00

The joy of any habit, good or bad, is that sense of comfort that you get whenever you go through the routine. It gives you a feeling of friendly familiarity or even a sense of identity. “I know who I am. I am a person who always does this or always says that.” It can be a habit as simple as getting out of bed and pouring yourself a glass of milk and taking a couple cookies to bed when you can’t sleep. Or maybe it’s something you recognize is a bad habit, but you have come to accept that’s just who you are. Perhaps you’re always late. Maybe you bite your nails. Maybe you have a tendency to interrupt people when they talk. But what if your “routine” is more destructive? Can people change?

There are things that we all do that we know are not right, that we know hurt other people and also hurt ourselves, especially in relationships. We try and learn from our mistakes at a young age and most of us mature and decide that’s not who we want to be. I am better than that. But what if it becomes a habit? What if we resort back to our old ways even when we’ve learned it’s not the right thing to do? The habit is familiar to us and we just chalk it up to “well this is just who I am. This is what I do in every relationship.”

We have all dated someone who says the right things. They compliment you, tell you exactly what you want to hear, show you affection, and then completely drop off, never to be heard from again. It’s almost like they said, “just kidding.” Some of us have experienced a partner who is emotionally or physically abusive. When they are down they want you to be down too. Some of us have dealt with infidelity. You come home from work and find they left their computer screen up and you discover there is someone else. What about the partner who is irresponsible with your shared money? Now you can’t pay your bills. These things are all awful to go through but the harder part comes when the person who has this bad habit convinces you that they can change them, apologizes for their actions, shows that they are sorry only to then continue the habit weeks or months later. Did they have good intentions initially, but then fell back into their old ways because they’re not capable of change? Or did they always know how things would play out?

We all have a gut feeling. There is something that gnaws at us that we know we should communicate with our partner. Initially when we realize we have hurt someone we automatically apologize because we hate to see someone in pain. We focus more on fixing the situation at hand rather than really looking at ourselves as to why we behaved the way we did. And we realize this is not the first time we have behaved this way. If we know its wrong why do we do it? We say we’ll change, but what if we just aren’t capable? You can want to be a better person but that doesn’t mean you can. Should we just be honest up front and say “hey, I am really bad with money” or “hey, I have a habit of getting bored in relationships so I cheat.” Is it worse to pretend we’re someone who we’re not so we can portray this perfect picture of ourselves or admit something negative about ourselves? Maybe we should put away the excuses. Why not say “this is me, I have flaws, I have things I need to work on and all is can do is try!”

Fortune Cookie:
"Be careful of your actions, for your actions become your habits. Be careful of your habits, for your habits become your character"

KISS ME!

2009-06-22T22:09:00.011-04:00

We must admit that a few weeks ago we had an interesting conversation about kissing. We were sitting at Starbucks drinking our usual tall skinny green tea lattes over ice. The topic suddenly came up and we both got a little giddy with excitement. Kissing can be an incredible high, it can take your mind and body places it’s never been before. We’ve all experienced what we felt were fireworks. On the other hand, we’ve all experienced duds, where we end up disappointed. Do we change the way we kiss depending on who we’re kissing and how we feel about them? What does our kissing style tell us about ourselves and about the person we’re kissing? We couldn’t help swapping stories good and bad….. and we had to demonstrate on our hands so we could compare notes! HA! It was not your average star bucks coffee run...

Decoding his/her kiss…
1. THE DIRTY TALKER: I enjoy hearing what you like and I follow instructions well
2. THE BITER: I’m kinky and like trying new things
3. THE TORNADO: I like to dominate and I don’t have time for romance
4. THE EYE OPENER: I am a very visual person and like to see our lips touching
5. THE CLAM: I don’t move my tongue and kissing is not my thing
6. THE LICKER: I love foreplay
7. THE HEAVY BREATHER: I’m so into this right now that I can’t help to want to take things to the next level
8. THE S’s (SLOW, SOFT, SENSUAL): I’ve been thinking about kissing you for a while and I want to take my time
9. THE PECKER: I’m just not that into you
10. THE EVERYWHERE BUT YOUR LIPS: Lets not make this too personal but I still want to drive you crazy
11. THE COMBINATION: I’d like # 8, followed by a little #2, throw in some #1, go back to #8, #8, #8, leading into #7, can’t help to go with #10, #10, #10, #10 baby! Don’t stop!

We have our favorites, what are yours?

Fortune Cookie:
"A kiss can be a comma, a question mark, or an exclamation point"

LOVE (by Sarah Jane)

2009-06-17T09:57:00.004-04:00

I’m not afraid of my thoughts. I’m not afraid of what conclusion I’ll come up with if I actually stop and think about what I want. I am afraid of never finding it. What is love? I remember the first time a guy told me he loved me and I remember the last but I can’t remember the times in between. Many women would do anything to hear those words yet I have come to loath them. How strange is that? I would have this contest in my head as to how long it would take for me to get a guy to profess those three words. Sometimes it only took a few days. And I always said it back. The words roll off my tongue as easy as hello and goodbye. But what do I know of love? My mom always says “Sarah dear, your heart has so much love to share its hard figuring out who deserves it. What a burden that must be?” I guess I never thought of it as a burden but as a gift. It was never hard for me to find someone to care about. I can find the good in most people. I can find something to love about them. Sometimes it was just a comfort of having someone there and sometimes I was just blinded by my other feelings. Lust and insecurity are strong emotions for me that can confuse me and cause me to think I love someone. To me love means no fear. I remember the child-like innocence I had with my first real boyfriend. I never worried about getting hurt or being lied to because I never realized that it even existed. I had no fear. I let him into my little world in every aspect. I never held back what I was thinking and always told him how I really felt. I remember the day we broke up. Time had run its course and we were on two different paths. I never cried so hard in my life. That sobbing, can’t breath, can’t imagine my life without, kind of cry. The one where you have absolutely no control and no quick fix to get yourself to stop feeling the despair that has taken over your every breath. I remember distinctively telling myself you will never allow yourself to feel this way again. You will never let someone in because you could never go through this again. I was 18. They say you never forget your first love, I wonder how much of that statement is true. But I know that ever since that situation I have never again had “no fear” when it came to love. As relationships came and went, getting over them got easier and easier. Was it because I never have loved someone the way I did that first time? It’s become so normal to me, almost robotic. Girl meets boy, boy says all right things, girl believes, boy changes his mind, girl wonders if he ever loved her and is broken hearted. The last man I said I love you to said a lot of things he didn’t really mean. When we broke up I cried once. It was more of a frustration cry over another failed relationship at 29, not a wow I just lost the love of my life. And I knew he would go into the category of the men I said I loved but never really did and vice versa. Love should be a can’t live without feeling and I knew I could live perfectly fine without him, in fact I could live better than fine. I realize I have begun to look at those words in a negative way. As in as soon as he says those words things will change. I am at the point where if I never hear I love you again from a man I wouldn’t be bothered. Why is that? Is it because I think there isn’t much meaning behind it anymore in this society? It flows out of everyone’s mouth so freely. When looking back, I can remember a boyfriend whispering those three words to me and instantly thinking he doesn’t really mean it. He only wants something from me. I crave to hear something else. Something original, but what else can someone say to express how they feel more purely that those hallmark, movie moment, fairytale ending words? Everyone has a different definition of what it means to be in love. And everyone has a right to say it to whomever, whenever, for whatever reason. What I want is for someone to say I have no fear. Someone who can say I have no idea what the future holds, I have no idea how to predict how this relationship will go, but I have no fear. I know I will stand by you. I know I will always listen to you and put us before myself. That is real love. The kind where you know three words mean nothing without faith behind them. That’s what no fear means to me. It’s having faith that our love will last, our love can conquer all the things that will come our way. I want to know that when I say those three words that it’s because I have let someone into the deepest darkest secrets of myself. Things I’ve been too afraid to tell anyone else and that they in return have bestowed on me the gift of knowing who they really are, what they really think and feel and long for. That means more than I love you ever could.

Fortune Cookie:
"Diamonds they fade, flowers they bloom"

CON-SCIENCE (by Kelly)

2009-06-15T10:10:00.002-04:00

So I’m sitting here thinking of random things as I often do, and decided to write about the following: Do you ever wonder if someone who hurt you in the past eventually realizes the extent of what they’ve done to you and then actually feels badly? Months or years later, do they feel regret, sorrow, guilt? Depending on the person, is it possible that what they did never crosses their mind again? It scares me to think the latter is possible.

I was in a bad car accident years ago with one of my friends from high school. She and I were on our way to a party but stopped off at a gas station. On our way out of the gas station, before I could even get my seatbelt fastened, we were hit head-on by a car going down the one-way street we were pulling on to. What kept us alive was the fact that we were only going 5 mph. The driver who hit us experienced a shattered pelvis and 2 broken legs from what we were told later. My girlfriend who had been driving had a multi-fracture in her leg to the extent where the bone was sticking out. She needed multiple surgeries and screws in her leg. I had severe jaw, facial, and oral injuries that resulted in more surgeries than I can even count anymore. I eventually received dental implants. I was on a liquid diet, had to get gum grafting done, couldn’t eat (and everyone who knows me knows that food is my thing, I live to eat) and went down to 88 pounds. My face was so badly bruised and damaged I was convinced that no man would ever want me again. Yes we survived. Yes, we’re lucky to be alive. But I can’t help to think about how the man who hit us never bothered to follow up with us to see how we were doing. In PA (as far as I know at that time) it was a no-fault situation so it’s not like we were suing this guy. I feel like if that were me and I hit someone, I would want to know their status, condition, details! That may be a lousy example but it’s what came to mind. I often wondered over the years if my friend and I ever crossed that driver’s mind. Did he even care about what he did to us? Did he experience any kind of guilt?

Another example surrounds my friend A. When I lived in Manhattan she and I became the best of friends and are still extremely close. She is a wonderful mother and was a devoted wife. She is now going through a divorce because she caught her husband cheating on her….literally caught him……and it wasn’t the first time he did it to her. So now he is putting her through hell over something he brought on himself. He is trying to convince the courts that she is a bad mother. We talk all the time and I try to comfort her saying that no judge would allow XYZ to happen but I know it’s killing her. I often wonder, will there ever come a day when he realizes what he did and how he lost the best thing that ever happened to him? When will it hit him that HE is the reason the marriage fell apart? Will he ever feel remorse for his actions and be able to take responsibility?

What about kids who bully, torment, and harass other kids? They say kids will be kids. I say no, that’s not acceptable. No child is perfect, I get that, I was far from perfect. I’m talking more about the kids and young adults who deliberately go out of their way to target certain children and belittle them to the point where it may follow that kid around for the rest of his or her life. I can remember being a kid and getting made fun of myself and it made me not want to go to school. I was afraid to tell my parents because I was embarrassed of what the kids were saying to me. And yes, I know, most people were made fun of as kids. I just sometimes wonder if those bullies ever feel badly about what they put other kids through. Maybe it doesn’t cross their minds until years later….maybe never.

I need to believe that people who do others wrong will one day experience a moment of realization. I need to know that we as human beings all have consciences. We all hurt people. I’m no different. I’ve definitely hurt people in my lifetime. I was by no means a “bad” kid and didn’t give my parents a lot of grief, but I know how I feel about the way I talked to my mom at times when I was a teenager. I could be bold and disrespectful. I’m not going easy on myself; I know that words can hurt just as much as actions. Sometimes its what you don’t say that can hurt the most. Now, at age 29, I still want to make up for some of that and tell my mom how much she means to me and how much I love her. My realizations came to me. I woke up. It hit me……you can’t talk to your mother this way! I sometimes think about mistakes I’ve made throughout the course of my teenage and young adult life. Even if another person wasn’t directly impacted I still dwell on the mistake at times. Let’s just say that I have a conscience—a major one. I really just hope to God that when someone hurts another person they are human enough to realize it. If they can learn from it as well, that’s even better still.

Fortune Cookie:
“The person that loses their conscience has nothing left worth keeping”

STAND AND STARE (by Sarah Jane)

2009-06-09T13:26:00.003-04:00

I am sitting in a window seat in world traveler plus on this Boeing 777, one of British Airways’ most popular night flights out of Philadelphia en route to London. The plane is full of mostly business men and first time travelers nervous and excited to see family members over seas. As we rise above the clouds and the sun sets, I can’t help but think of the people below, of lives that are happening, of people who are hurting, and of people who are sick. Someone somewhere just had an amazing first date or got an “I’m proud of you” or fit into that little black dress. Time is an interesting subject to me. I always thought by this time in my life I’d be a certain kind of person. Once I graduated high school, I’d go onto college. Once I graduated college, I’d get a job. Once I got a job, I’d get my own place. Once I had my own place, I’d fall in love. Once I fell in love, he would propose and everything would just fall into place. But I learned quickly that nothing is given and nothing is guaranteed. I think about how much my life has changed every year since I graduated high school. How many people have come and gone and how most of it I can’t even remember. I was too busy looking onto the next best thing. It’s easy to speed up. You can create new dramas with only a few well-chosen words. You can make life changing decisions in a split second. As I look through the plane window below the clouds I think of all the things happening in time right now. Hearts being broken, words left unspoken, friendships ending. But I also think of all the people doing the right thing, believing in their dreams, appreciating what they have and not what they don’t. Every second of time we make decisions. It’s quite strange for me now because the only decision I can make for the next seven hours is whether to watch an in flight movie or listen to David Gray on my ipod. Everyone below is running around heading somewhere, answering texts, racing down highways, anticipating something. Time waits for no one as my dad always says. But think about race car drivers. Even when they emerge triumphant from theirs races they never actually get anywhere. They just go round and round the same track, watching the same old scenery fly by. And it dawned on me it’s not speed we need, its direction. Figuring out what we truly want so we can make the right decisions in the time we have on this earth. William Henry Davies famous poems says “what is this life if, full of care, we have no time to stand and stare.” As I am coming to the end of my flight the sun starts to rise over the Atlantic, I can see on my TV screen in the seat in front of me, our plane is about to head over Ireland down towards England. And it is this time that I realize I don’t want to be on the same track I’ve been on for the past ten years of dating. How I just replace one guy with another. The same things happening with the same result. I want something more. I want to be with someone where I don’t even notice time. Where I don’t think of all the other things I should be doing. Where I slow down and actually look at who someone really is inside, who they’ve been and who they want to become. I want someone who makes me stand and stare.

Fortune Cookie:
"Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you"

THE GENERATION GAP (by Kelly)

2009-06-08T10:09:00.001-04:00

Hi everyone! Sarah is in the UK so I’m handling the blog by myself while she is away. Don’t worry, haha, when she comes back I’m sure she’ll have tons she’ll want to share with you all. She’s already written a few blogs while sipping tea and eating croissants.

I’ve thought about the differences in my generation versus my parents’ and grandparents’ for some time now, but the idea to write about it started over Memorial Day weekend. I was at my Aunt’s and Uncle’s house stuffing my face with all sorts of deliciousness and socializing with my cousins. My Aunt walks over to us and just blurts out, “I would give anything to trade places with Kelly. You have it so much easier than me.” I just stared at her for a second before asking her what she meant. She replied that she has “to deal with the stresses of being married for 33 years.” Again, I looked at her, sort of in shock. I laughed, then said, “You’ve got to be kidding me right? You have a great marriage and two awesome sons, plus you love your job…..are you saying you’re not happy?” I know it sounds like I was calling her out and giving her a hard time but I was floored at her comments. (It never dawned on me that anyone in her situation would want to trade places with a 29 year old single woman.) She then paused and admitted that she is very happy. I said, “My point exactly. Are you sure that you really want to trade places with me or is it just that you wish you were in your 20’s again?” She didn’t have an answer for me. My cousins and I all looked at each other and just started rambling on and on about how much easier her generation had it than we do now and how the world is a tougher place these days. My cousin T even went so far as to suggest that our parents probably wouldn’t even be able to make it in today’s world. So, what’s interesting is that my mother, who is the same age as my Aunt, overheard the conversation and said to us that she “knows how good she has it and would never want to be a young person in today’s world.” Funny right? Two totally opposing points of view from two women who are the same age.

What can I say? My life is great. I have my freedom, I do what I want, when I want. I am blessed with amazing friends, fun acquaintances, and know how to have a good time. Let’s be honest, the freedom thing in itself is awesome and women’s rights and equality have come such a long way. In that regard, I LOVE that I am experiencing youth in 2009. I have so many options, many more than my mother and Aunt did in 1959. Women today can do anything they want to do.

On the flip side, being young in 2009 is hard. If you’re a parent you are faced with challenges that my parents and grandparents probably never thought twice about. You have to worry about your kid getting shot when going to school, not just being bullied. You have to worry about your 10 year old daughter having sex. You have to worry about your 8 year old getting into drugs and alcohol. I don’t know, maybe it is more advantageous to be a young person in the year 2009, but you’ve got to admit that it’s scarier.

I think the differences in these generations are the most striking when it comes to marriage: what were the reasons that people got married in the day of our parents and grandparents? Are those reasons different today when two people decide to get married? I think the answer is clearly a big fat YES. I’d like to preface by saying there are pros and cons to everything. I don’t want to sound as if I am casting a negative light on marriage. I honestly hope to find the love of my life and one day get married. Anyway, as I was saying, to me it’s interesting to look at what motivated people to get married years ago. For starters, premarital sex was very uncommon and definitely was not talked about. I can pretty much guarantee that my mother was a virgin on her wedding night. Many of my friends will agree, and I am sure the same is true for our grandmothers. The thing to do in the 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s (you get the picture) was to get married and raise a family. If a woman was unmarried at age 25 people looked at her like an old maid. A woman got married, had kids, and took care of her husband and the household. That was her role. Period. A man got married, went to work, and made the money. Period. There really weren’t any other choices or options. It’s just the way things were. Life was so much simpler. I’m not sure if that’s good, bad, or indifferent. But I think it’s obvious that this is the reason so many people got married. I also think men were quicker to get married because with marriage came the sex. They didn’t have the luxury of sleeping with lots of different woman, unless they paid for it. Yeah, I know all about the houses of ill repute. HA! I’d like to think that the main reason people marry today is because they love each other and genuinely want to spend the rest of their lives making each other happy. That’s at least my vision. I don’t want to get married just so I can have a man support me or pop out some babies. Nope, I’m shooting for the true love thing. Although a nice big rock would be nice……I kid, I kid.

Which leads me to my next thought of why people are single so much longer today…..it is totally acceptable to be a 30 year old single man or woman. But here’s the dilemma that I feel like I will have to face: because men and women have so many options in this day and age and because its totally acceptable to remain single, do we have a tendency to feel like the grass will always be greener? Will those of us who are still single strive for someone better, more attractive, more fun, better body, smarter, etc? It’s really a double edged sword. I love that I haven’t settled for someone who wasn’t right for me. I hope to meet a man who falls head over heels for me and visa versa. But I have a fear that maybe it’s just not in my cards to meet Mr. Right. Or, that Mr. Right will end up telling himself he can do better. Good luck to him. Guys, this is as good as it gets. Haha, totally kidding. But seriously, with all the options out there today what makes me so special? There’s always someone out there who’s prettier, funnier, smarter, etc. I’m not immune to that possibility either. I don’t need a man to support me and I’m definitely not in a rush to have kids. Who’s to say that I won’t be the one to break someone’s heart? (Men have feelings too, at least I think they do.) Obviously these are the chances we take. More options equal more choices. I have to say though, I know in my heart that I am a catch. It took me 29 years to get to this point. I have a lot to offer and a lot of love to give. I also have standards. I think most people, men and women alike, do. I don’t know, maybe I am the one who wouldn’t have been able to survive in my parents’ days. Maybe I would have been the old maid that everyone pitied. Which brings me back to my aunt’s comments. I’ve thought about these things a great deal and looked at both sides of the spectrum…..both generations clearly have pros and cons, but you have to live the life you’re dealt. Who knows what the right answer is surrounding who really has it better or easier. If given the chance, would my Aunt really switch lives with me? I think we can all agree that it’s tough out there. Life is hard. But we have to make the best out of what hands we’re dealt and the decisions we’ve made. So, I can honestly say, I’m grateful to be alive and I’m happy with the decisions I’ve made and the woman I’ve become. I’m a 29 year old single woman living in the year 2009. Here’s to now.

Fortune Cookie:
"It may be a long way home but at least the path I’m taking is my own"

FRIENDSHIP (by Sarah Jane)

2009-05-31T19:49:00.007-04:00

I have been thinking lately about friendship. It seems it’s the only thing I can count on these days in the midst of losing my job, boyfriends breaking my heart, and having no direction in my life. I even got to the point where I thought I was having a quarter life crisis. Who am I? Where am I going? What is my purpose? What if I make the wrong decision? What if I end up alone? Even more I worried about how people viewed me just because I didn't have a job or a man that was defining me. I never really put that much effort into my friends. It was always great to have girls to go out with and have fun but I never really let them in a hundred percent to who I was. I was always trying to be someone I wasn’t just to please everyone around me. It was exhausting. All of a sudden I realized that a strong friendship is something that can never be broken. I can call that person at 3am crying and they will understand. I can laugh with them and joke about experiences that other wise would have been a disaster, but shared with a friend, turned out ok. What if instead of putting so much pressure on my dating life or my pursuit of the perfect career, I depend more on my friendships? What if my friends are my soul mates? What if we could find unconditional love through each other? Wouldn’t that make me a better partner for a man anyway? Why put so much pressure on him to be this knight in shining armor who comes and saves me? Maybe men aren’t supposed to be that for us, maybe our friends are. If we could put away the jealousy and judgment for a day and really look at how amazingly strong the female is, maybe we’d appreciate each other more. At the end of the day we are all on a journey and we’re all searching for something…..why not do it together?

Fortune Cookie:
“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow”

To Lie or Not to Lie…

2009-05-29T09:20:00.006-04:00

We have been thinking lately about dishonesty and the lies people tell. We tell lies to ourselves to justify our behavior and we tell lies to others to avoid judgment. Honesty is defined as the quality of being truthful and trustworthy; a refraining from lying, cheating, or stealing. What are we so afraid of? That the truth will hurt someone, or that the truth will hurt us? Society projects that we are supposed to be “good” human beings. There is a right and a wrong. We’re not supposed to cheat and we’re not supposed to lie because doing so hurts other people, including ourselves. So then why do some people find it so hard to tell the truth? Are we ashamed to admit that we want things we’re not supposed to have? Do we have something to hide? Are we worried what others will think if they know who we really are? Some things in life will stay in a gray area, but other things, such as the truth, are black and white. Let’s at least be honest about that. Ha! Funny how a concept so simple is quite often the most complicated.

We recently had a discussion on this topic as well as on people who use others for their own personal gain. A user will say anything in order to get another person to do what they want. Most likely, 99% of what they say is a bold-faced lie. They pretend to feel the same way another person does, they give insincere compliments, etc. What’s even crazier, is that by admitting the truth about a lie we think we are doing the other person a favor by being honest with them! But it isn’t for them at all is it? No, it’s for ourselves. We want to let ourselves off the hook by “being honest.” Think about it. If you were concerned about another’s feelings, you wouldn’t have lied in the first place. There is so much to be said for honesty, especially these days. Sometimes we wonder if it’s becoming obsolete in some areas of life.

Karma is a concept that we discuss all the time. What goes around comes around. We’ve all seen the Justin Timberlake video and we’ve all thought about the things we’ve done to other people and the lies we’ve told. Will they come back to haunt us? Nobody knows for sure and of course, no one’s perfect. You could spend your whole life using people, lying, and manipulating and be perfectly happy. Yet what we fail to realize is that if you live your life like that you’ll never have peace of mind. You’ll always know that your actions and words are wrong in the back of your mind. No matter how much money you make, how many people adore you, or how successful you are, at the end of the day none of these things matter if you don’t have peace of mind (unless you lack a conscience.) When you leave this earth all you can take with you is your integrity. How did you live your life and what type of person were you? Were you an honest person or a dishonest person…Choosing to tell the truth when it’s easier to lie is a wonderful measure of a person’s veracity.

Life is all about choices. We choose everyday who we want to be, how we want to treat people, and how we want to allow ourselves to be treated. If at the end of the day we don’t like who we are, we have nothing and no lie can change that.

Fortune Cookie:
"The only thing worse than a liar is a liar that's also a hypocrite!"

Technology: Friend or Foe (by Kelly)

2009-05-26T10:26:00.004-04:00

Let me just start off by saying I am guilty…just as guilty as anybody else. I love Facebook and I’m also a texting Queen. I just wanted to get this out of the way right off the bat. This is sort of my disclaimer to what I am about to say because for those of you who read this who are close friends of mine, you will say to yourselves, this girl is a hypocrite. So here goes: as much as I enjoy going on Facebook and reading the various status updates, writing on friend’s walls, etc, I can’t help but sometimes feel that it’s a cop out for real communication. Facebook and texting are modern day ways of taking the easy way out. Sometimes it’s best to just make an old fashioned phone call; to actually take 5 minutes out of your day and make the effort to show someone you care. That is, if you actually do care. I recently had conversations with a number of my close girlfriends and they all agreed that they get tons of texts and Facebook messages from guys as opposed to phone calls. Is it that maybe the guy isn’t interested? Maybe they’re just lazy……maybe we’ll never know. This doesn’t just apply to guys and dating though; please don’t get me wrong. The same is true for myself and my girlfriends.

Here’s the thing, I’m not a phone person. Yes, I can talk on the phone for hours if there is something interesting to talk about, but I was never one to just call someone to “say hi.” That annoys me more than anything when people call and have nothing to talk about. I also hate the obligatory phone call: the one where you’re calling to “check in” and can’t wait to hang up the phone. However, when there is actually something of value to be said or discussed, in the time it takes to send 50 text messages back and forth, a real conversation could have taken place. I think the other pitfall of excessive texting is not always interpreting the text the way it is meant to come across. Personally, it happens to me quite often when I read a text and try to figure out what the person actually means. You really don’t know exactly how their tone is supposed to come across at times…..or if they’re joking with you or being serious…….or sarcastic……or maybe being passive aggressive, etc. It’s no one’s fault, it’s just the way it is.

I’ll say it again, I’m guilty of this. I would be lying if I said I didn’t text 5-7 different friends a day. Texting is great to see how someone is doing, to make small talk, or if you’re in a situation where you can’t really talk on the phone. What kind of annoys me is when people text and try to have an actual conversation. I realize that times are constantly changing and people are busy. As a result, we want to be able to communicate in a variety of ways. I totally support that. But if my best friend, or a guy I’m interested in, calls me to congratulate me on getting into the grad school of my choice, that speaks volumes. Maybe it’s just me, but if that same message was delivered via text it just wouldn’t be the same.

Fortune Cookie:
"A closed mouth gathers no feet"

Decoding Your Memorial Day Weekend (by Sarah Jane)

2009-05-22T11:55:00.010-04:00

As I am sure you are all packed and ready to hit the shore this memorial day weekend, I wanted to offer this cheat sheet. After spending the day on the beach getting your glaze on you will be tempted to hit up your favorite bar for some cool cocktails. While watching the cover band play your favorite tunes, some guy may come over and start chit chatting... just keep this in mind

What He Really Means At The Bar

1. “I’ve had like 10 drinks already” – I have only had 3 but need an excuse to behave this way
2. “Wanna do a body shot?” – I will do anything to lick you
3. “I’ll get the next round, you got this?” – I wont be here after this round is done
4. “I’ll have a Malibu bay breeze” – I’m gay
5. “Hey where is that friend you’re always talking about?” – I am actually using you to get to someone else
6. “You should get a long island ice tea” – I really just want to get you wasted so I can take advantage of you
7. “I can’t hear you in here lets go back to my place” – I wanna get you alone
8. “That girl over there looks really familiar” – did I sleep with her?
9. “Excuse me” – I am about to grope you as I grab my beer
10. “I forgot my ID” – I lost my license

Fortune Cookie:

"The greatest danger could be your stupidity"

CONNECTING VS. SETTLING

2009-05-19T09:56:00.003-04:00

The most personal subject we can write about is relationships. Everyone has an opinion on why things turn out the way they do. When it comes to men and women and the different influences and factors that affect relationships, something that we feel is common to both sexes is the desire to connect. We realize that the desire has different levels and materializes in a variety of ways. Also, it may be more common in women, but we believe most men hope to ultimately find someone they will connect with. Just admit it guys, its OK!

When dating someone new we seem to get caught up in the smog of first kisses, sweet texts, exciting phone calls, and butterflies in our stomachs, but how many times have you actually asked yourself "do we have anything in common?" All of a sudden you like the music they like, play the sports they play, eat the same food they eat. Is kayaking really your thing? Hey, we get it, sometimes you have to compromise, but don’t lose yourself in the process. People are so hungry to feel accepted and loved that they sometimes deem it necessary to change who they truly are in order to avoid rejection. While always doing what your partner wants seems like fun in the beginning, as time passes you realize it’s not actually making you happy. All of a sudden you can’t stand being around each other so you end up filling your time with other things, like putting in over time at work, joining a gym or heading to the bar. It may even get to the point where you don’t talk to each other anymore and are just going through the motions. Before you know it, you are essentially living separate lives.

Have you ever gone out to eat and seen that couple across the room who literally stare into space the whole time and never even speak to each other? Do they really have nothing left to talk about? If you are truly connected to each other and have a mutual respect for your likes and differences, shouldn’t there always be things to talk about? What about when something exciting or upsetting happens to you and you can’t wait to tell someone else instead of your partner? This is how cheating occurs. It’s usually not sexual at all. It’s about wanting someone else to understand you when you feel your partner does not. It’s about wanting someone to show you they care because your partner has stopped caring.

Ok, now you may be asking yourself how would a couple ever let it get to that point? Why wouldn’t they just break up instead of being in a bad relationship? These are two questions that we’ve speculated on for some time now and for which we don’t have the greatest answers. All we can say is that it’s so common it’s scary. The fact of the matter is, a lot of couples do stay together when one or both people are less than happy and we’ve determined it comes down to this little fact: they’re settling. Of course, it’s rare for anyone to admit that’s what he or she is doing, but we all know someone who is in a serious relationship right now who fits this description. What comes to mind next is the question why do people settle? Our answer is that they can't stand the thought of being alone. People are so afraid of being alone and view the single life as some sort of curse or disease. Others want the fairy tale ending of a spouse, house, and kids and will reach for that fantasy with anyone who is willing. So now we’ve come full circle—we’re back to the beginning where we started. Our point is this: we all want to feel a connection to another human being and in the end no one wants to be alone. The difference is whether or not you’re willing to settle to find it.

Fortune Cookie:
"Hearts are not to be had as a gift, hearts are to be earned"

2009-05-15T20:01:00.001-04:00

For our first blog, we thought it would be fun to think about things that various guys have said to us on first dates. To be honest, almost all of them have been said to us in the last year or so. Not sure what that says about our taste in men, but nonetheless, we hope you enjoy a good laugh.

TOP 10 THINGS A WOMAN DOES NOT WANT TO HEAR ON A FIRST DATE

1. “I think I love you. I’ve never connected with someone on such a spiritual level before.”
2. “Ugh, these darn credit collectors won’t stop calling me. I’m late on 4 of my cards. Don’t worry; it’s not another woman calling.”
3. “Back when I worked at the Dollar Tree two months ago…”
4. “Look at the size of my hands, I’m the man!”
5. “Yeah boy, who’s hittin that tonight?!”
6. “Oh crap, I forgot my wallet.”
7. “My mom says……my mom thinks…..”
8. “What do you mean you’re not spending the night?”
9. “Oh excuse me for a minute, this is my ex-girlfriend calling.”
10. “I’m actually on a mission to find a trophy wife.”

Fortune Cookie:

"A drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts"